Why Am I So Angry? Understanding and Managing Anger in Teens & Young Adults

Anger is a normal emotion—but when it starts to feel constant, overwhelming, or out of control, it can take a toll. For teens, college students, and young professionals, anger often shows up in ways that are confusing or distressing: snapping at people you care about, withdrawing from conversations, or feeling like your emotions are too big to handle.

We often hear clients say things like:

“I don’t know why I get so angry. It just happens.”

“I regret how I reacted, but I felt out of control.”

“I didn’t mean to lash out—but I felt cornered and overwhelmed.”

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Anger is often a sign that something deeper is going on beneath the surface, and understanding your anger is the first step toward managing it in healthier, more empowering ways.

This post explores how anger shows up in teens and young adults, what might be driving it, and how therapy can help build long-term emotional regulation.

What Does Anger Look Like in Teens and Young Adults?

Anger doesn’t always look like yelling or slamming doors. In teens and emerging adults, anger often shows up as:

• Irritability or mood swings

• Sudden emotional outbursts

• Sarcasm, withdrawal, or defensiveness

• Passive-aggressive behavior

• Arguments with family, roommates, or partners

• Bottling things up until they explode

• Shame or regret after reacting in the heat of the moment

You might feel angry all the time, even if you can’t explain why. Or maybe small things set you off—traffic, a comment, a plan change—more than they should. That doesn’t mean you’re just an “angry person.” It means your nervous system may be holding more than it can handle, and it’s looking for a release.

What Causes Anger Issues in Teens and Young Adults?

There’s no single cause of anger problems. But in our work with teens and young adults, we often find that persistent anger is a response to deeper experiences like:

• Unprocessed stress or trauma

• Chronic anxiety or burnout

• Perfectionism or fear of failure

• Feeling misunderstood or dismissed

• Struggles with identity or autonomy

• Executive functioning challenges (especially under pressure)

• Feeling stuck in school, career, or relationships

For many young people, anger masks more vulnerable emotions—like fear, sadness, or shame. If those feelings never had space to be processed, they can show up as quick tempers or emotional shutdowns.

Is This Just a Phase, or Is It Time to Get Help?

Occasional frustration is part of life. But if you or your child feels frequently angry, irritable, or overwhelmed by emotions, it may be time to explore support.

You don’t have to wait for things to get worse. Therapy for anger and emotional regulation can help you:

• Understand the deeper causes of your anger

• Develop tools to pause, reflect, and respond instead of react

• Learn strategies for calming the nervous system in the moment

• Build better communication in relationships

• Strengthen emotional awareness and resilience

We work with teens, college students, and young professionals who are ready to understand their emotional world—not just “manage it,” but work through it.

Anger Management Therapy Isn’t About Shutting Down Emotions

Sometimes people assume that anger management is about learning how to bottle things up or “just be calm.” But that’s not the goal.

We don’t believe in silencing emotions. Instead, we help clients:

• Identify the signals their body and mind are sending

• Build nervous system regulation tools that actually work

• Increase tolerance for uncomfortable emotions

• Create new pathways through habits, structure, and self-awareness

Therapy provides a safe space to unpack what’s happening beneath the surface and to learn new ways to navigate big feelings without shutting them down.

Therapy for Anger Issues in Teens and Young Adults

In our practice, we offer anger management therapy in Westport, CT, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia. Whether we’re working with teens, young professionals, or college students, we tailor our approach to meet each person’s unique needs.

We also support clients navigating related challenges like:

• Anxiety and stress management

• Identity development and self-esteem

• Life transitions and career pressures

• Executive functioning struggles

• Family conflict and boundary-setting

Anger is never the whole story. With the right support, it becomes a doorway into something deeper—growth, healing, and real change.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If you're a young adult feeling overwhelmed by your own reactions—or a parent noticing your teen is struggling to manage emotions—know that help is available.

Therapy isn’t about fixing who you are. It’s about giving you tools, space, and support to work through what’s getting in your way.

We offer therapy for anger issues for teens and young adults in Westport, CT and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia.

Let’s talk about what’s been coming up.

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FAQ: Anger Issues in Young Adults and Teens

What are the signs that anger might be a problem?

If anger is interfering with relationships, school, work, or emotional wellbeing—or if it feels constant or uncontrollable—it’s worth exploring with a therapist.

Is anger always a bad thing?

No. Anger can be a healthy signal that something needs attention. Therapy helps you listen to that signal and respond with intention, not reactivity.

How does therapy help with anger issues?

Therapy helps clients understand the root of their anger, learn nervous system regulation strategies, and build communication skills to handle conflict without escalation.

Can anger be a sign of anxiety or depression?

Yes. Especially in teens and young adults, chronic anger can be a symptom of underlying anxiety, depression, or burnout.

Do you offer virtual anger management therapy?

Yes. We offer virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia, and in-person sessions at our office in Westport, CT.

Chronic Stress & the Nervous System: How Therapy Can Help

When stress becomes the default setting, it’s hard to notice how much it’s costing you.

Most people can handle short bursts of stress. It’s part of being human. But when that stress becomes constant — woven into daily life without a clear off-ramp — it can start to take a real toll, both physically and emotionally.

Chronic stress doesn’t always look dramatic. In fact, many of the clients we work with are thoughtful, high-achieving individuals who are used to managing a lot. On the outside, they may appear calm, competent, and in control — but inside, they feel tense, overwhelmed, and depleted. Social pressure to keep it together often adds another layer, making it harder to recognize or address what’s actually going on.

The effects of chronic stress tend to build slowly. It might show up as disrupted sleep, persistent tension, irritability, brain fog, or the sense of never quite coming off high alert. Over time, the nervous system adapts to this constant demand by shifting into survival mode. The longer it stays there, the harder it becomes to return to a baseline of calm.

This article explores how chronic stress impacts the brain and body, and how therapy can help interrupt the cycle, support nervous system regulation, and create space for sustainable healing.

What Happens When Stress Becomes Chronic

Stress activates the body’s fight-flight-freeze response, a built-in survival system designed to protect us from danger. In short bursts, this response is useful: It sharpens focus, increases energy, and helps us respond to immediate challenges. But the nervous system isn’t designed to live in this state indefinitely. When stress is constant, the “off switch” becomes harder to access.

Chronic stress often develops in response to ongoing demands that feel hard to escape or control. For many teens and young adults, this might stem from academic pressure, social stress, or the weight of high expectations. Young professionals may experience it through unstable work environments, financial uncertainty, or difficulty balancing independence with responsibility. And for individuals living with chronic pain, the constant management of symptoms and daily functioning can place the nervous system in a prolonged state of strain. Over time, stress like this can shift the body’s baseline — making rest, clarity, and emotional flexibility harder to access.

People experiencing chronic stress often describe:

• Trouble sleeping, even when exhausted

• Increased irritability or emotional numbness

• Physical symptoms with no clear medical cause

• Constant muscle tension or digestive issues

• Difficulty focusing or making decisions

• Feeling disconnected from self or others

It’s important to recognize that these aren’t isolated symptoms. They’re part of a larger pattern rooted in nervous system dysregulation, a state where the body struggles to return to a sense of safety or calm.

What Chronic Stress Does to the Nervous System

When the nervous system is under constant demand, it often shifts into sympathetic dominance. This means the body stays in a state of readiness: heart rate elevated, muscles tense, stress hormones like cortisol remaining high. At the same time, the parasympathetic system — responsible for rest and recovery — becomes harder to access.

This can lead to:

• A persistent feeling of urgency or vigilance

• Emotional overwhelm, or difficulty feeling emotions at all

• Physical fatigue with no sense of real rest

• Delayed recovery from even small stressors

Over time, these physiological patterns can change the way the brain interprets and responds to experiences. The amygdala, which processes threat, may become more reactive. The prefrontal cortex, which supports executive function and regulation, may struggle to stay engaged.

These shifts are not signs of weakness or failure. They’re the nervous system adapting to ongoing conditions — and they are reversible, especially with the right support.

What Makes Chronic Stress Different From General Anxiety or Burnout?

Although these experiences often overlap, chronic stress is not the same as generalized anxiety or burnout.

• Anxiety can occur in the absence of external stressors. It’s often characterized by intrusive worry and future-oriented fear.

• Burnout is typically related to occupational stress and emotional exhaustion related to roles and responsibilities.

• Chronic stress describes the body’s sustained physiological and psychological response to persistent external demand. It often includes features of both anxiety and burnout but is rooted in prolonged activation of the stress response system itself.

This distinction matters because treatment and support need to match the nature of the problem. In therapy, understanding whether a client is experiencing chronic stress — versus burnout or generalized anxiety — helps guide the work in a more targeted way.

How Therapy Can Help With Chronic Stress

Therapy provides a structured, collaborative space to understand your stress patterns, regulate your nervous system, and rebuild a sense of internal safety. For many clients, the shift doesn’t happen through “relaxation” alone. It comes from learning new ways of relating to the body’s signals and stress responses over time.

Effective therapy for chronic stress often includes:

Nervous System Regulation

We introduce grounding practices, breathwork, and body-based strategies that support the parasympathetic nervous system. These tools are practical and repeatable, helping clients return to a calmer baseline.

Emotional Processing

Chronic stress often leads to suppressed or dysregulated emotion. Therapy offers a place to name what’s been held in or pushed aside — safely and at your own pace.

Thought Pattern Awareness

Cognitive work helps clients understand how beliefs and internal narratives reinforce the stress response. This includes patterns like perfectionism, guilt, or constant self-monitoring.

Behavior and Boundaries

Together, we explore where energy is being spent — and whether that aligns with values or survival patterns. Setting boundaries or reevaluating commitments becomes a key part of re-regulation.

Identity and Agency

Long-term stress can lead to disconnection from values, motivation, or sense of self. Therapy can help reconnect with purpose and clarify what matters beyond coping.

Causes of Chronic Stress We Commonly See

Every client brings their own experiences and context to therapy, but among the teens, young adults, and professionals we work with, chronic stress often stems from:

• Ongoing academic pressure or fear of falling behind

• Career uncertainty, job instability, or workplace burnout

• Identity-related stress (including race, gender, and sexuality)

• The impact of chronic pain or complex health conditions

• High family expectations or tension around independence

• A history of trauma or emotional disconnection

• The mental load of “keeping it together” without visible support

Stress doesn’t only come from obvious crises. The nervous system responds just as strongly to emotional overload, social pressure, and situations where a person feels stuck but still expected to function.

Therapy for Chronic Stress in Westport, CT and Beyond

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we support adults, teens, and young professionals experiencing the mental, emotional, and physical effects of chronic stress. We offer therapy that’s grounded in:

• Nervous system science and regulation

• Trauma-informed frameworks

• Cognitive and somatic integration

• Realistic tools for daily life

• Collaborative, client-centered care

We see clients in person at our Westport, CT office, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia.

If you’re finding it hard to rest, think clearly, or feel like yourself — that may be a sign your system is carrying more than it can manage alone. Therapy can help.

Schedule a Free Consultation

If stress has become the background noise of your life, it may be time for support that goes deeper than just coping skills.

We’re here to help you reconnect to a sense of calm, clarity, and possibility — one step at a time.

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FAQ: Therapy for Chronic Stress and Nervous System Regulation

What are the effects of chronic stress?

Chronic stress can affect nearly every system in the body. It often shows up as fatigue, sleep problems, digestive issues, tension, brain fog, irritability, and difficulty regulating emotion. Over time, it may increase the risk of anxiety, depression, and physical health issues.

How does therapy help with chronic stress?

Therapy helps by addressing both the physiological and psychological patterns that keep stress going. We use tools for nervous system regulation, emotional processing, and cognitive restructuring to create meaningful, lasting change.

Can chronic stress affect memory or concentration?

Yes. Chronic stress affects areas of the brain related to focus, memory, and decision-making. Clients often report feeling foggy or distracted, even when they’re trying to stay on task.

Do you offer virtual therapy for stress and burnout?

Yes. We offer in person therapy in Westport, CT and virtual therapy to clients across Connecticut and Virginia. Whether you’re looking for help with chronic stress, high-functioning anxiety, or burnout, we can support you from wherever you are.

What Is Failure to Launch? Signs Your Young Adult May Be Struggling to Thrive

It’s not uncommon for young adults to hit roadblocks after high school or college. Some move back home after graduation, others pause before starting careers. A little uncertainty is expected. But when months turn into years of stalled progress — no clear direction, no next step — it can leave families feeling frustrated, confused, and unsure of how to help.

It’s a pattern that’s often labeled as “failure to launch” — but behind that label is usually a mix of anxiety, self-doubt, and stalled momentum that deserves understanding, not judgment.

The term “failure to launch” can sound harsh, but at its core, it describes something real: a pattern where a capable young adult struggles to move forward in areas like work, school, or independent living. Often, they’re stuck in a cycle of avoidance, anxiety, and low motivation, which can be confusing and heartbreaking for parents to witness.

Let’s take a closer look at what failure to launch really means, why it happens, and how therapy can help.

What Is Failure to Launch?

"Failure to launch" refers to when a young adult has difficulty making the transition into independent adulthood. This might look like:

• Living at home with no plans to move out

• Not working or pursuing education

• Avoiding responsibilities like budgeting, scheduling, or self-care

• Relying heavily on parents for emotional or logistical support

• Seeming unsure, unmotivated, or anxious about the future

It’s easy to misread these struggles as a lack of motivation, but for many young adults, the experience is far more complicated. They often feel stuck, overwhelmed, or ashamed — and unsure how to move forward, even when they want to.

Signs Your Young Adult May Be Struggling to Launch

Every person is different, but some common signs of a "failure to launch" pattern include:

• Chronic avoidance of decision-making

• Disengagement from peers, work, or academics

• Difficulty maintaining routines or basic responsibilities

• High sensitivity to stress or uncertainty

• Frequent conflicts with parents about independence

• Low motivation despite past achievement

• Anxiety or hopelessness when talking about the future

These challenges don’t develop overnight, and they don’t mean your young adult lacks potential. In fact, many of the young people we work with in therapy are bright, thoughtful, and creative. They just need support in different areas to move forward.

Why Does This Happen?

There’s no single cause of failure to launch. Often, it’s a mix of factors:

• Anxiety or depression that makes everyday tasks feel overwhelming

• Perfectionism or fear of failure that prevents taking risks

• Executive functioning difficulties, such as challenges with planning, follow-through, or organization

• Low self-esteem or unclear sense of identity

• Over-involvement or enmeshment in the parent-child relationship

• Disrupted transitions, like medical conditions, dropping out of college or moving home unexpectedly

It’s also important to consider the larger context. The landscape of young adulthood has changed. Social pressures, an unpredictable job market, and growing mental health challenges have made this phase of life more complex than it once was. For many young people, navigating these changes feels overwhelming, and they’re doing the best they can with the tools they have.

How We Help Young Adults Get Unstuck

For young adults who feel stalled, overwhelmed, or unsure of where to start, having the right kind of support can make all the difference. At our practice, we offer a combination of therapy and career coaching — two approaches that work best when used together.

Career coaching helps young adults gain clarity around their goals — both short-term and long-term. It offers structure, accountability, and step-by-step support to move forward. Whether it’s applying to jobs, creating routines, or building confidence in decision-making, coaching gives momentum to the process of launching.

At the same time, therapy addresses the deeper layers that can keep someone stuck — things like anxiety, self-doubt, low self-worth, perfectionism, or fear of failure. In therapy, we focus on building insight and emotional regulation, while helping clients reconnect to a sense of agency and possibility.

We focus on creating a supportive, collaborative environment where young adults can move forward at a sustainable pace. With both practical tools and emotional insight, we help clients build momentum through clarity, consistency, and genuine encouragement.

We also work closely with parents when appropriate — offering guidance on how to support your adult child in ways that encourage growth without reinforcing dependence.

This Doesn’t Have to Be the End of the Story

If your young adult is struggling to launch, it doesn’t mean they’re broken — and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. What it often means is that something in the system needs support.

We’ve worked with many young adults who felt stuck for years and who found their way forward with the right combination of therapeutic insight, coaching support, and clear, compassionate boundaries at home.

Therapy for Young Adults in Westport, CT and Across Connecticut

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we specialize in helping young adults and their families move through this difficult period of transition.

Our Therapy and Career Coaching services are available for young adults in Westport, CT, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia. Whether your child is living at home, navigating post-college limbo, or simply feeling lost — we’re here to help.

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FAQ

What are the signs of failure to launch in young adults?

Failure to launch isn’t a formal diagnosis, but it often describes a pattern where a young adult is struggling to move forward with typical milestones of independence. Some common signs include living at home without a plan, avoiding work or school, lacking motivation, or feeling overwhelmed by decisions. It can also show up as anxiety, low self-confidence, or executive functioning challenges that make daily responsibilities feel unmanageable.

What kind of therapy helps with failure to launch?

Therapy that addresses failure to launch often combines emotional insight with practical skill-building. At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we support young adults through a mix of talk therapy, executive functioning support, and (when appropriate) career coaching. Therapy can help uncover what’s keeping someone stuck — like anxiety, perfectionism, or self-doubt — and coaching provides structure and accountability to move forward.

Is it normal for adult children to still live at home?

Yes — especially in today’s world. Economic shifts, student debt, and mental health challenges have made the transition into independent adulthood more complex. Living at home doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong. But if your adult child feels stuck, avoidant, or distressed — and it’s creating tension at home — it may be time to explore extra support.

Can anxiety cause failure to launch?

Absolutely. Anxiety is one of the most common root causes we see in young adults who feel paralyzed by next steps. It can show up as indecision, avoidance, perfectionism, or intense fear of failure. Therapy can help clients build coping tools, reduce avoidance patterns, and begin to take action even when discomfort is present.

Do you offer therapy for young adults in Connecticut and Virginia?

Yes. We offer in-person sessions at our Westport, CT office and virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia. We specialize in working with young adults who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward — including those navigating failure to launch patterns, anxiety, or career indecision.

If you're looking for support, we’d be glad to talk about whether our approach might be the right fit.

How to Manage Test Anxiety: Therapist-Recommended Strategies For Teens and Young Adults

If your stomach drops every time you walk into an exam room, or if you freeze up before a big test despite being fully prepared, you're not alone.

Test anxiety is real, and it’s more than just “nerves.” For many teens and young adults, it can become a distressing, recurring pattern that affects academic performance, mental health, and self-esteem. And while it's common, it's also manageable — especially when you understand what’s happening underneath and how to approach it with the right tools.

As therapists who specialize in anxiety therapy for teens and young adults in Westport, CT and beyond, we work with students all the time who are high-achieving, motivated, and still feel paralyzed by the pressure of performance.

Let’s walk through what test anxiety really is, why it happens, and how therapy can help.

What Is Test Anxiety?

Test anxiety is a form of performance anxiety. It happens when the stress of a testing situation triggers a fight-flight-freeze response — even when the person is academically capable and well-prepared.

Common signs include:

• Racing heart, shortness of breath, nausea

• Negative self-talk or catastrophic thinking (“I’m going to fail,” “Everyone will know I’m not smart”)

• Blank mind or difficulty concentrating during the exam

• Avoidance of studying or over-preparing to an extreme

• Trouble sleeping or feeling on edge before a test

For some, these symptoms start days or weeks before the exam. For others, they hit suddenly the moment they sit down to begin.

Why Does Test Anxiety Happen?

Test anxiety isn’t about laziness or lack of preparation — and it's not something you can just “get over.” It’s often connected to a deeper fear:

❝ What does it say about me if I fail? ❞

That fear might come from:

• Perfectionism or high expectations

• Fear of disappointing others (parents, teachers, coaches)

• Previous negative experiences with testing or school performance

• Generalized anxiety that spikes under pressure

• Undiagnosed OCD or learning differences

• Low tolerance for uncertainty or mistakes

In therapy, we often explore not just the surface anxiety but also the underlying thought patterns, beliefs about success, and habits that reinforce the anxiety loop.

5 Therapist-Backed Strategies for Managing Test Anxiety

Here’s what we focus on with students in therapy — both in-person at our Westport, CT office and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia.

1. Shift from Outcome to Process

Most test anxiety is future-focused: What if I fail? What if I freeze up?

We work with clients to reorient their attention to the process:

• What is within your control?

• What is enough preparation?

• What does it mean to do your best — even if it’s not perfect?

2. Practice Exposure to the Anxiety — Not Avoidance

Avoiding the thought (“I’ll fail”) might feel better in the moment, but it gives anxiety more power. In therapy, we may use exposure-based strategies to face the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without “fixing” them. By building resilience over time, you ultimately learning that the situation is not actually dangerous, and that the uncomfortable sensations are tolerable.

This is especially helpful for students who:

• Constantly seek reassurance

• Rely on rituals before every test

• Feel unable to tolerate even the idea of failure

3. Challenge Unhelpful Thought Loops

Cognitive distortions like:

• “If I don’t ace this test, I’m a failure”

• “One bad grade will ruin everything”

  — are common in test anxiety.

We use CBT techniques to help clients notice, name, and reframe these patterns — so the pressure doesn’t spiral into panic.

4. Support the Nervous System

We don’t just work on changing thoughts — we also help clients build a different relationship with the sensations of anxiety in their bodies.

When test anxiety kicks in, the nervous system often reacts like there's a real threat: fast heart rate, shortness of breath, tense muscles. These responses aren’t dangerous — but they feel urgent. Over time, your brain can start associating tests or performance situations with that sense of danger, even if you're safe.

Through therapy, we use regulation strategies like breathing techniques, grounding, movement, and intentional exposure to anxiety triggers. These techniques aren’t just relaxation strategies; they help the nervous system relearn what's actually threatening and what's not.

Because of neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to rewire itself — we know that the more you practice responding to anxiety differently, the more your system can shift. It’s not just about tolerating stress, it’s about gradually changing the way your body and brain respond to pressure, so it doesn’t feel as overwhelming in the first place.

5. Reframe What “Success” Looks Like

A key part of test anxiety recovery is building flexibility around the idea of achievement. For some students, the pressure to “never mess up” becomes so intense that it blocks learning, creativity, and confidence. Therapy helps create space to redefine success in a way that includes effort, growth, and self-worth — not just grades.

What If I’ve Tried Coping Tools and They Haven’t Worked?

That’s a common experience — especially if the anxiety is part of a larger pattern of perfectionism, social anxiety, or even undiagnosed OCD (which can sometimes show up as performance-related fear).

If you’ve tried breathing exercises, time management tips, or study hacks — and you're still overwhelmed — working with a trained therapist can help you get a more accurate understanding of what is going on, and identify the best strategies to help you experience real change.

Therapy for Test Anxiety in Connecticut and Virginia

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we specialize in working with:

• High school students, college students, and young adults

• Parents supporting anxious teens

• Clients who feel “stuck” in overthinking and performance pressure

We offer in-person sessions at our Westport, CT office, and virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia.

You don’t have to push through it alone — and it doesn’t have to stay this hard. Let’s talk about what you’re experiencing and see if therapy might be a good fit.

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FAQ

What is test anxiety, and how do I know if I have it?

Test anxiety is more than feeling nervous before an exam. It can cause physical symptoms (like nausea or rapid heartbeat), mental blocks (like forgetting everything you studied), and emotional distress. If you find yourself freezing up during tests, constantly over-preparing, or dreading school even when you know you’re capable, you may be experiencing test anxiety.

Can therapy actually help with test anxiety?

Yes. Therapy can help you understand where your anxiety is coming from, challenge unhelpful thinking patterns, and develop new ways to relate to stress. At our practice, we use evidence-based approaches like CBT and exposure work to help clients change the way their brain and body respond to pressure.

Is test anxiety the same as regular anxiety?

Test anxiety is a form of performance anxiety — a specific type of anxiety triggered by evaluation or high-pressure situations. While it shares features with general anxiety (like worry or overthinking), it often involves perfectionism, fear of failure, and physical panic symptoms that show up around academic tasks.

What if study tips and breathing exercises haven’t worked for me?

That’s very common. Many students try coping strategies that only work temporarily or don’t address the root of the anxiety. Therapy can help go deeper — exploring the thought patterns, nervous system responses, and beliefs that keep the anxiety cycle going.

Do you offer therapy for test anxiety in Connecticut or online?

Yes. We work with teens and young adults in-person at our Westport, CT office, and offer virtual therapy throughout Connecticut and Virginia. Whether you're navigating high school, college, or grad school, we’re here to help.

Anxiety vs OCD: What’s the Difference and Why It Matters

You’ve probably heard people say things like:

“I’m so OCD about my desk.”
“I have to color-code everything — it’s my OCD.”

In casual conversation, OCD is often used as a shorthand for being neat, particular, or detail-oriented. While usually well-meaning, this kind of language can blur the line between personality traits and an actual mental health diagnosis — and it contributes to widespread misunderstanding of what OCD truly is.

To make matters more confusing, OCD shares many traits with anxiety disorders: racing thoughts, discomfort with uncertainty, repetitive behaviors, and mental overdrive. As a result, OCD is often misdiagnosed or overlooked — especially when compulsions are subtle or internal.

In our practice, we have seen many clients go years believing they “just have anxiety,” when what they were actually experiencing was obsessive-compulsive disorder. The difference matters — because the treatment that helps most is not the same.

That’s why this distinction matters — not for labels, but for getting the right kind of support.

In this post, we’ll walk through how anxiety and OCD overlap, how they’re different, and how understanding the difference can help you move forward.

Is OCD a Type of Anxiety? Why the Confusion Happens

Anxiety and OCD both exist in the same diagnostic family. OCD was once classified as an anxiety disorder, and both conditions involve fear, discomfort, and avoidance behaviors.

But OCD often gets misdiagnosed as "just anxiety" — especially when compulsions are subtle or internal. When that happens, clients may spend years trying general anxiety treatments (like talk therapy, mindfulness, or basic CBT) that provide little or no relief.

The result? People may start to believe their symptoms are untreatable, when really, they just haven’t had the right map.

What Do Anxiety and OCD Have in Common?

Both anxiety and OCD can cause:

• Physical symptoms like restlessness, fatigue, or tension

• Rumination or repetitive thinking

• Avoidance of certain situations or triggers

• Reassurance-seeking or overplanning

• Difficulty tolerating uncertainty

So yes — they’re related. But they function very differently underneath.

Key Differences Between Anxiety and OCD

While anxiety and OCD share some common features—like racing thoughts, avoidance, and difficulty tolerating uncertainty—they operate differently in important ways. Here are some of the key distinctions:

The Focus of the Thoughts

Anxiety tends to revolve around real-life stressors—things like work, relationships, finances, or health. These worries are often future-oriented and grounded in a “what if something goes wrong?” mindset.

OCD can involve a wide range of thought content, including fears, doubts, or urges that feel sticky, unresolved, or in need of certainty. These might be unwanted and distressing (e.g., harm or taboo thoughts), or they might just feel wrong or incomplete (“Did I say that the right way?” or “Am I 100% sure I locked the door?”). It’s the compulsive reaction to the thought—not the content alone—that defines OCD.

The Meaning Attached to Thoughts

In anxiety, thoughts often feel like extensions of the person’s internal voice. Even if they’re unpleasant, they usually feel like “mine.”

In OCD, thoughts may feel out of place, intrusive, or at odds with your values—causing distress not just because of what they say, but because of what it might mean about you if they’re true. This can lead to intense mental spiraling, doubt, or shame.

How People Respond to the Thoughts

Anxiety-based worries may lead to avoidance, reassurance seeking, or hypervigilance. You might over-plan or talk things through repeatedly.

OCD-related thoughts often lead to compulsions—repetitive behaviors or mental rituals aimed at reducing distress or creating a feeling of certainty. These compulsions can be visible (like checking, washing, or repeating) or internal (like reviewing, counting, or mentally "proving" something is okay).

The Role of Compulsions

With anxiety, the distress can come and go based on real-time stressors.

With OCD, the cycle is more self-reinforcing:

Obsession (sticky thought or doubt) → Anxiety or discomfort → Compulsion (behavior or mental act to relieve it) → Temporary relief → Obsession returns, often stronger

Treatment Pathways

Generalized anxiety often responds well to cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), relaxation techniques, and mindfulness.

OCD, on the other hand, requires a different approach: Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP helps reduce the urge to perform compulsions and gradually retrains the brain to tolerate uncertainty.

Real-Life Examples: How OCD and Anxiety Show Up Differently

Example 1: Relationship Concerns

• Anxiety:
  “I’m worried my partner might lose interest in me.”
  This might lead to overthinking, needing more verbal reassurance, or checking their texts to feel more secure.

• OCD:
  “What if I’m not really in love with my partner, and I’m lying to them without knowing it?”
  This often leads to compulsive analyzing—mentally reviewing past moments, checking feelings, or comparing the relationship to others to find certainty. Even when reassurance is given, the doubt returns in a slightly different form.

Example 2: Health Worries

• Anxiety:
  “I hope I don’t catch a cold before my trip.”
  This might lead to taking extra precautions like hand sanitizer or vitamin C—reasonable steps to reduce risk.

• OCD:
  “What if I already touched something contaminated and now I’ve exposed everyone I care about?”
  This may lead to repeated hand-washing, avoidance of objects or people, or mental reviewing of every step taken. Even after cleaning, the sense of “what if” remains unresolved, prompting more rituals

Why OCD and Anxiety Need Different Treatments

This isn’t just a labeling exercise. It has real implications for care.

Someone with generalized anxiety might benefit from CBT techniques like cognitive restructuring, journaling, or relaxation training. But if OCD is misdiagnosed as GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), clients may be encouraged to “reframe” their intrusive thoughts — which actually reinforces OCD’s cycle.

OCD responds best to a specific protocol:
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) — a structured therapy that involves facing fears without performing the usual compulsions.

Trying to treat OCD without ERP is like putting a towel under a leaky faucet instead of fixing the pipe. It might keep things dry for a little while, but the leak is still there — and it’s only going to get worse over time.

Do I Have OCD or Anxiety? How to Know

If you're reading this and thinking, “That’s me” — you're not alone.

Many people go years with a partial diagnosis or a vague sense that something's been missed. OCD can fly under the radar, especially when compulsions are mental (like reviewing, counting, praying, or avoiding) rather than visible.

A few signs your anxiety might actually be OCD:

• Your thoughts feel sticky, repetitive, or hard to resolve, even if they don’t seem extreme or scary

• You feel a strong urge to do something—mentally or physically—to make the thought “go away” or feel certain

• You find yourself checking, reviewing, or seeking reassurance often, even about things that seem minor to others

• You’ve tried anxiety-focused strategies like deep breathing or thought reframing, but they don’t seem to reduce the distress for long

• You feel relief after certain behaviors—but it doesn’t last, and the same worry comes back again and again

Getting the Right Support

The good news? OCD is treatable. And getting clarity on what you're dealing with is a powerful first step.

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we specialize in helping people untangle complex anxiety and OCD presentations. Our approach is rooted in compassion and evidence-based care — including ERP, ACT, and CBT.

If you’re unsure where your symptoms fall, we offer free 15-minute consultations to help you figure it out.

You don’t need to have the language right. You just need to start the conversation.

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FAQ

Q: How do I know if I have OCD or just anxiety?
OCD tends to involve intrusive, unwanted thoughts followed by compulsions to reduce distress. Anxiety may feel more like worry about real-life problems, without the need for rituals or mental “undoing.”

Q: Can OCD exist without anxiety?
OCD and anxiety are related, but OCD can appear without typical “anxious” feelings. The distress comes more from the obsession-compulsion cycle than generalized fear.

Q: Is ERP used for anxiety too?
ERP is specifically effective for OCD because of the focus on preventing compulsive behaviors while completing exposures. Traditional CBT and exposure without response prevention is more commonly used for generalized anxiety or phobias.

10 Tips for Managing OCD During the Holidays

Managing OCD during the holidays isn’t about perfection—it’s about support and self-compassion.

The holidays are often portrayed as a joyful, lighthearted time filled with togetherness and celebration. But for individuals living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), this time of year can bring a unique set of challenges. Disrupted routines, travel, social pressure, and heightened expectations can all intensify OCD symptoms, making the season feel overwhelming instead of enjoyable.

Whether your OCD centers around intrusive thoughts, contamination fears, compulsive checking, perfectionism, or other patterns, it’s possible to navigate the holidays with more peace and support. Here are ten strategies we use with our clients to help manage OCD during the season:

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1. Anticipate Triggers in Advance

Before the season kicks into high gear, take some time to reflect on what typically feels hard during the holidays. Is it large family gatherings? Gift exchanges? Being out of your normal environment? Identifying common triggers ahead of time can help you create a plan instead of being caught off guard.

2. Support Your Nervous System with Gentle Structure

The holidays can throw off familiar rhythms, which often increases stress and makes it harder to manage OCD symptoms. While strict routines can sometimes feed into compulsive patterns, having a flexible structure to your day—like regular meals, rest, or time outdoors—can help you feel more grounded without reinforcing rigid rules. The goal is to create stability that supports you, not your OCD.

3. Say No to Perfectionism

Whether it’s decorating the house or choosing the right gift, the pressure to make everything “just right” can be intense. Perfectionism is a common part of OCD, especially during high-pressure events. Remind yourself that “good enough” is often more than enough, and that connection matters more than presentation.

4. Use Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Tools

ERP is the gold standard for OCD treatment, and holiday stress doesn't mean pausing your progress. In fact, the holidays may offer opportunities to practice ERP in real time. If you're working with a therapist, talk about creating exposures tied to seasonal triggers so you can approach them with intention.

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5. Limit Reassurance Seeking

It’s natural to want comfort when anxiety spikes, but repeatedly asking others to confirm everything is okay can actually reinforce OCD. Try to notice when you're seeking reassurance and practice sitting with the discomfort instead. It’s tough—but it builds resilience and is the path to long-term, durable anxiety reduction.

6. Prepare for Travel Disruptions

Travel often means shared spaces, unfamiliar bathrooms, disrupted sleep, and unpredictable schedules—all potential stress points. While you don’t need to eliminate discomfort, you can plan for it. Bring grounding tools like headphones, journaling materials, or reminders of coping strategies you’ve practiced. If you're working with a therapist, consider using imaginal exposures ahead of time to rehearse feared situations—like being unable to wash your hands after touching public surfaces or not being able to complete a bedtime ritual. Practicing your response in advance can make real-world exposures feel more manageable.

7. Use Environment Shifts to Support Regulation

High-stimulation settings—like large gatherings, crowded spaces, or emotionally charged family dynamics—can be overwhelming, especially when managing OCD. If you start to feel dysregulated, changing your environment can help you reset without avoiding what’s difficult. Step outside for fresh air, move into a quieter room, or take a moment to stretch or breathe. These small shifts can remind you of your agency and help you return to the moment with more clarity and steadiness.

8. Don’t Skip Sessions if You're in Therapy

With packed schedules and holiday travel, therapy can sometimes fall to the side. But this is often the time when support is needed most. Prioritize your appointments, or talk with your therapist about virtual options if you're traveling.

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9. Stay Mindful of Unhelpful Coping Mechanisms

Holiday events can include alcohol or other substances, and for some, these become a way to quiet anxiety or uncomfortable thoughts. If you notice yourself leaning on numbing strategies, pause and check in with yourself. There’s no need for shame—just curiosity and care. Reach out for help if it feels like you need support.

10. Offer Yourself Compassion

The holidays can stir up a lot—memories, grief, loneliness, sensory overload. OCD adds another layer. Speak to yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a loved one. You're doing the best you can, and that’s enough.

Living with OCD during the holidays can be difficult, but it’s crucial to remember that it is also manageable. With thoughtful preparation, evidence-based tools, and compassionate support, it’s possible to move through the season with more peace, flexibility, and connection.

If you're looking for extra support, our team offers both in-person sessions in Westport, Connecticut, and virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia. We're here to help—this season and beyond.

What Is the Meaning of Life? Finding Purpose as a Teen or Young Adult

At some point, almost everyone asks the question: “What is the meaning of life?”

If you’ve ever wrestled with this, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most fundamental human questions—and one that can feel overwhelming. Philosopher Albert Camus once wrote, “To decide whether life is worth living is to answer the fundamental question of philosophy.”

But answering this question isn’t just an abstract thought experiment. Research shows that a strong sense of meaning and purpose is linked to real, measurable benefits for your well-being. People who feel their life has meaning are more likely to:

• Build deeper friendships and stronger social connections

• Engage in cultural and community activities

• Have lower risks of depression and chronic disease

• Maintain healthier lifestyles and physical activity

• Experience lower rates of divorce and loneliness

In other words: feeling connected to meaning isn’t just “nice to have”—it’s an essential part of thriving.

But despite being so important, answering the question of the meaning of life can be really hard. Let’s explore how people have answered this question throughout history, why it feels more complicated today, and practical ways you can start building meaning and purpose in your own life.

A Brief History of Meaning—and the Modern Crisis of Purpose

Throughout history, humans have largely turned to religion to answer life's biggest questions. Religious traditions provided clear frameworks for understanding our purpose, offering explanations for why we're here and how we should live. These belief systems gave people a sense of cosmic significance and clear moral guidelines.

But in our modern world, traditional religious explanations have become less compelling for many. The rise of scientific understanding, global connectivity, and secular worldviews has challenged these age-old answers. This has left many people searching for new sources of meaning in their lives.

What has emerged in place of religious frameworks is complex and often contradictory. Our increasingly global perspective can make individual lives feel insignificant against the vast scale of human existence. We see ourselves as tiny dots in an enormous universe, which can make it harder to feel that our lives have inherent meaning.

Additionally, the rise of individualism in modern society has created a double-edged sword. While it has given us unprecedented freedom to choose our own path and create our own meaning, it has also placed an enormous burden on individuals to figure out what matters for themselves. Without shared cultural narratives to guide us, many people feel lost in their search for purpose.

Why You Might Struggle to Find Meaning

If you’ve been searching for meaning and coming up empty, you’re not broken—you’re human. In fact, many teens, young adults, and young professionals today feel the same way. The world has changed in ways that make it harder to feel grounded in purpose. Traditional sources of meaning don’t always resonate, and the pressure to “figure it out” on your own can feel overwhelming. Here are some of the most common reasons why people struggle:

• Religious explanations may feel unconvincing: For some, faith once offered clear answers, but in light of modern perspectives, those explanations may feel less satisfying or harder to believe.

• Following the “right” path hasn’t worked: You might have done everything you were “supposed” to do—get good grades, land the right job, get married, earn approval from others—but still feel empty.

• Looking for answers externally doesn’t work: Waiting for someone else to give you meaning—whether it’s family, friends, or society—rarely leads to fulfillment. Purpose is not handed down; it’s something you create for yourself.

How to Start Creating Meaning in Your Life

The good news is that meaning isn’t something you either “have” or “don’t have.” It’s not a hidden treasure you need to stumble upon—it’s something you create through action and intention. Building a meaningful life starts with small shifts in how you see the world and how you choose to engage with it. If you’re feeling lost, these steps can help you begin moving toward a greater sense of purpose:

• Reflect on the preciousness of life: Recognize that life is finite, and because of that, your choices matter. This awareness can make even ordinary moments feel significant.

• Remember that humans are meaning-making creatures: Our minds are wired to seek patterns, stories, and connections. Instead of resisting that tendency, lean into it—find the stories that inspire you.

• Zoom back in: It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the vastness of the universe. Instead, focus on what’s close at hand—the people you love, the experiences you’re having, the opportunities right in front of you.

• Engage in the world: Meaning grows when we participate, not just when we consume. Volunteer, create something new, or connect with others in real ways. These actions bring purpose to life.

Activities That Can Provide Life Purpose

While the search for meaning can feel abstract, it often becomes clearer through the things we do. Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom identified several common pathways people use to cultivate purpose in their lives. These aren’t one-size-fits-all—what feels meaningful for one person may not for another—but exploring them can help you discover what resonates most with you. Here are some of the activities that often give people a sense of purpose:

• Altruism: Helping others—whether through small acts of kindness, volunteering, or mentoring—can create a strong sense of connection and meaning. When you give to others, you often feel more grounded in your own life.

• Dedication to a cause: Fighting for something bigger than yourself, like social justice, climate change, or community development, can give you a powerful sense of direction and significance.

• Creativity: Expressing yourself through art, music, writing, or even problem-solving is one way to bring new ideas and beauty into the world. Creativity allows you to leave a unique mark that reflects who you are.

• Hedonistic enjoyment (done mindfully): Finding joy in life’s pleasures—like food, nature, music, or friendship—can remind you that meaning is also found in living fully in the present.

• Self-actualization: Developing your skills, pursuing your interests, and growing into your full potential can feel deeply purposeful. This path focuses on becoming the best version of yourself.

• Self-transcendence: Connecting with something larger than yourself—whether through spirituality, community, or the natural world—helps you see your life as part of a greater whole.

Exploring these different pathways can help you notice where you naturally feel most alive and fulfilled. You don’t need to pick just one; many people create meaning through a combination of these practices.

Final Thoughts: Meaning Is Created, Not Found

In the end, the search for the meaning of life isn’t about uncovering a hidden secret. It’s about building a life that feels meaningful to you. Meaning is created by what you choose to do, the relationships you cultivate, and the ways you engage with the world.

If you’re struggling to connect with a sense of purpose, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

At Gofman Therapy and Consulting, we help teens, young adults, and young professionals explore meaning, navigate challenges, and build fulfilling lives. Serving clients in-person in Fairfield, CT and throughout Virginia and Connecticut, our team of experienced therapists can support you in your journey.

Learning to Say No: Strategies for Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Photo credit @wildlittlethingsphoto

Introduction:

Setting boundaries in relationships is essential for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. In this post, we'll explore strategies for learning to say no and setting healthy boundaries in relationships.

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5 strategies for setting healthy boundaries in your life:

1. Understand your priorities

Before you can effectively set boundaries, you need to understand your own priorities and values. Make a list of your top priorities and use it as a reference point when making decisions about how to spend your time and energy.

2. Practice saying no

Saying no can be challenging, especially if you're used to saying yes to everything. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations to build your confidence.

3. Be clear and concise

When setting boundaries, it's important to be clear and direct. Avoid making excuses or justifications, and stick to your boundaries even if the other person doesn't like it.

4. Practice self-compassion

Remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-care and self-respect, and it's okay to prioritize your own needs. Practice self-compassion by being kind and understanding to yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

5. Communicate clearly and respectfully

When setting boundaries, it's important to communicate clearly and respectfully with the other person. Use "I" statements to express your own needs and feelings, and avoid blaming or attacking the other person.

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Conclusion:

Learning to say no and setting healthy boundaries takes practice, but it's an important step towards maintaining mental and emotional well-being. By prioritizing your own needs and being clear and respectful in your communication, you can build stronger and healthier relationships with others.

Are you struggling with boundaries in your life? We can help. Set up a free phone consultation today with one of our expert therapists