Beyond Motivation: Understanding What’s Holding Your Young Adult Back

It can be difficult to watch your young adult child stall out. Maybe they’ve been talking about job ideas for months without sending out applications. Or they seem overwhelmed by even small decisions, unsure of what they want or how to move forward. As a parent, it’s easy to wonder if the real issue is a lack of motivation.

But motivation is often the symptom, not the cause. What looks like avoidance or procrastination on the surface may actually be rooted in anxiety, fear of failure, or not knowing where to begin. Labeling the problem as “unmotivated” can oversimplify what’s really going on—and make it harder to offer meaningful support.

This post explores what might be happening underneath the surface, and how career coaching can help young adults move forward when they’re feeling stuck.

Why Motivation Gets Misunderstood

Motivation gets talked about a lot in popular culture, but in real life it doesn’t behave the way most people expect. Parents searching for why young adults lack motivation are often looking for a quick answer. It’s natural to wonder whether your child is lazy or whether they just need a push.

But motivation is complex. It isn’t a simple on‑off switch that comes with maturity or self‑confidence. Instead, it is often a response to feelings of uncertainty, fear, or overwhelm. Many young adults who appear unmotivated are actually wrestling with internal barriers that make action feel risky or futile.

When these barriers are present, the brain shifts into a protective mode. Rather than moving toward opportunities, the young adult may hesitate, delay, or freeze. Parents may see this as resistance or lack of motivation. In truth, it may be a sign of fear of failure, low self‑trust, or confusion about what path to choose.

Common Underlying Challenges Behind “Lack of Motivation”

Lack of motivation in young adults often has roots in one or more of the following patterns:

Fear of Failure

Some young adults have internalized the idea that failing means lack of worth. As a result, they may avoid trying anything that could lead to failure, even small steps like updating a resume or applying to jobs.

Overwhelm and Decision Paralysis

Emerging adults face a wider array of choices than past generations. Choosing a major, picking a job, or deciding where to live can feel like life‑defining decisions. Without tools to process options, overwhelm can replace motivation.

Comparison to Others

If a young adult sees peers landing jobs or making confident moves, they may assume everyone else has it figured out and they alone are struggling. This can lead to isolation and internal pressure that blocks action.

Executive Functioning Challenges

Some young adults may struggle with planning, organizing, and following through even when they want to act. These challenges often get mislabeled as laziness when they are really about cognitive barriers.

Low Self‑Belief

Negative self‑talk or patterns like perfectionism can erode motivation. If someone feels they must be perfect or never make mistakes, they may do nothing at all rather than risk imperfection.

Emotional Avoidance

For some, the avoidance of career tasks is rooted in avoidance of uncomfortable feelings. Avoidance can feel safer than confronting fear, uncertainty, or self‑doubt.

When these patterns are playing out, the result looks like a motivation issue, but the label doesn’t capture what’s really happening. Identifying the real block is the first step toward meaningful movement.

Why Motivation Matters — But Not in the Way You Think

Motivation often gets framed as a character trait: you either have it or you don’t. That framing can feel discouraging to both parents and young adults. It pits internal desire against behavior in a way that is not accurate or helpful.

Instead, motivation in the context of life direction is better understood as a product of clarity, confidence, and competence. When a young adult:

• understands what matters to them

• feels safe to take risks

• and has tools to approach tasks

then motivation naturally grows.

In contrast, if someone lacks direction, is afraid of failure, or feels unsure how to take the first step, motivation alone isn’t enough. That’s where coaching and structured support can make a real difference.

How Career Coaching Helps With Motivation Struggles

Career coaching for young adults isn’t about telling them what to do. It’s about helping them explore what matters and creating a plan that aligns with their values and strengths. In our practice, career coaching often includes:

• Clarifying short‑ and long‑term goals

• Exploring career interests and personal values

• Building routines that support follow‑through

• Strengthening decision‑making and self‑trust

• Identifying and addressing patterns like avoidance, fear of failure, or indecision

This approach is practical and compassionate. It helps young adults build momentum from the inside out rather than forcing motivation from the outside in.

Parents searching for career coaching for young adults often appreciate that coaching can reduce the emotional charge around directionless behavior. When a young adult feels supported rather than judged, they are more likely to engage and make progress.

How to Talk About Coaching With a Young Adult

We know that suggesting career coaching to your young adult isn’t always easy. Even a well-intentioned conversation can feel sensitive, especially if motivation has been a pain point. That’s why we created a separate resource just for parents navigating this conversation.

Read: How to Talk About Career Coaching With Your Young Adult

Signs That Career Coaching Might Be Helpful

Career coaching can be especially useful for young adults who:

• Feel unsure about their next steps after school

• Struggle with job searching or follow‑through

• Find choices overwhelming and avoid decision‑making

• Want to move forward but feel stuck

• Demonstrate patterns of avoidance or fear of failure

• Express frustration but don’t know where to start

Even if motivation seems low on the surface, these patterns often point to areas where coaching can help create clarity, structure, and confidence.

Support That Moves Things Forward

It’s hard to see your child feeling stuck — especially when you know how capable they are. When motivation is low, it’s easy to assume they just need to try harder. But in our experience, the real issue is often something deeper: uncertainty, fear of failure, or not knowing where to begin.

Career coaching can help break that cycle. It gives young adults space to sort through what matters, build realistic goals, and take consistent steps forward. And for parents, it offers a way to support growth without micromanaging — a path forward that respects everyone’s autonomy.

If your young adult is open to exploring next steps, we’re here to help.

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FAQ: Lack of Motivation in Young Adults

What causes lack of motivation in young adults?

Lack of motivation in young adults is often not the issue itself. It is a signal that other barriers are present, such as fear of failure, overwhelm, comparison to peers, or low self‑trust. Identifying these underlying causes can lead to more effective support.

Is low motivation a mental health symptom?

Low motivation can be associated with conditions like anxiety, depression, or burnout. It can also arise from executive functioning challenges or identity uncertainty. A professional assessment can help clarify what’s contributing to the experience.

Can career coaching help with motivation issues?

Yes. Career coaching focuses on goals, structure, decision‑making skills, and self‑trust. It can help young adults gain confidence and momentum, even if they initially feel unmotivated.

How do I introduce the idea of coaching to my young adult?

Introducing coaching as a low‑pressure conversation can help. Assure them they don’t have to commit to anything long‑term and frame coaching as an opportunity to explore options with support.

Do you offer virtual coaching?

Yes. We offer virtual career coaching for young adults anywhere in the United States, as well as in‑person sessions at our Westport, CT office.

Helping Without Hovering: How Parents Can Talk About Career Coaching With Young Adults

One of the most common conversations we have with parents goes something like this:

“I know my child is struggling, but I don’t know how to bring up the idea of getting support. I don’t want to push them away or make them feel like I’m hovering.”

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Many parents can clearly see their young adult child feeling stuck. They might seem lost after graduating or unsure about the next step; they may feel discouraged or hopeless in the midst of a lengthy job search process or unable to follow through on goals they once felt excited about. It’s hard to witness that as a parent. You want to offer support, but you also want to respect your child’s autonomy. That tension is real.

Bringing up the idea of career coaching can feel like walking a tightrope. You may worry that your child will feel criticized, or that even a gentle suggestion could cause them to shut down. But with the right language and timing, it’s possible to introduce the idea in a way that feels respectful and empowering.

This post describes how we support parents who are navigating that delicate balance—offering help while honoring their child’s independence.

We offer career coaching for young adults in Westport, CT, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia.

Why Some Young Adults Struggle to Accept Help

Many young adults who feel stuck already know something isn’t quite working. They may not talk about it openly, but the signs often show up in other ways. They might avoid decisions, procrastinate, or talk about wanting to “figure things out” without taking any steps to get there.

Part of what makes this experience so isolating is the belief that they’re supposed to already know what they’re doing. Our culture often sends the message that independence should come naturally, and that asking for help means you’ve somehow fallen behind. If they’re watching peers land jobs, move out, or talk confidently about their goals, they may assume they’re the only one who’s struggling.

That belief can lead to shame, which makes it even harder to reach out. So when a parent suggests something like career coaching, even gently, it may land with more weight than expected. Your child might hear “you need help” when what you meant was “you don’t have to do this alone.”

That’s why timing and tone matter. The goal isn’t to push them to act before they’re ready. It’s to remind them that support exists—and that they’re not falling behind just because their path looks different.

What Career Coaching Actually Offers

Career coaching is not about telling someone what to do. It’s a collaborative space that helps young adults clarify their goals, build structure, and create momentum. Coaching supports the process of identifying what matters, exploring options, and taking consistent action.

In our practice, career coaching often includes:

• Setting short- and long-term goals

• Exploring and clarifying career interests and values

• Building routines and systems that support follow-through

• Strengthening decision-making and self-trust

• Working through patterns like avoidance, perfectionism, or self-doubt

The approach is supportive and non-directive. We don’t define success for your child—we help them define it for themselves and take actionable steps to achieve it.

When to Talk to Your Young Adult About Career Coaching

There’s no single right moment to have this conversation, but some times are better than others. Our advice is to try to choose a moment when things feel relatively calm. Avoid bringing it up in the middle of an argument or when emotions are already high.

Helpful windows often include:

• After your child expresses frustration or uncertainty

• When they’re reflecting on a recent transition, like moving home or finishing school

• During natural times of reset, such as the beginning of a new year

Keep the tone open and supportive. The more curious and grounded you are, the more likely they are to stay in the conversation.

How to Introduce Career Coaching to Your Young Adult Without Pushing

The way you introduce career coaching can make all the difference. When your child already feels uncertain or discouraged, the last thing they need is to feel pushed or boxed into something they didn’t choose.

Here are a few ways to keep the conversation open and supportive:

Use curiosity instead of advice

“I’ve been thinking about whether having someone to talk to outside the family might feel helpful.”

Affirm their strengths

“You’re thoughtful and capable. It’s completely understandable to feel stuck sometimes. I really believe you can move through this, and I wonder if coaching might help with that.”

Lower their perception of the commitment

One thing we often encourage parents to say is something like, “You don’t have to sign up for anything long-term. You could just have a conversation and see if it feels helpful. That’s it.”

Clarify what coaching actually is

“Career coaching isn’t about someone telling you what to do. It’s about working with someone who can help you figure out what you want and how to take the next step.”

Give them space

“You don’t need to decide anything now. I just want you to know there are resources if you want them.”

The goal is to offer support without pressure—so that when your child is ready, they know where to start.

Signs That Coaching Could Be a Good Fit

Coaching can be especially helpful for young adults who:

• Feel unsure about their next steps after school

• Struggle with job searching, follow-through, or creating routines

• Are navigating a career transition from one industry to another

• Avoid decisions or feel overwhelmed by choices

• Are motivated in theory but unsure how to begin

• Want to move forward but feel stuck trying to do it alone

Even small signs of openness—like frustration with their current situation or asking for guidance—can be a cue that they’re ready for support.

You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers

As a parent, it’s hard to watch your child struggle. You want them to feel confident, engaged, and independent. But the truth is, this stage of life can be complicated. Many young adults need more structure and support than they expected.

Career coaching gives them a space to explore what matters, build momentum, and make choices that feel meaningful to them. And for parents, it offers a way to support without pushing and to guide without hovering.

If you think career coaching might be helpful for your child, we’d be glad to talk more about what that could look like.

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FAQ: Talking to Your Young Adult About Career Coaching

If you’re searching for career coaching for young adults in Westport, CT or need support from afar, we offer virtual sessions across Connecticut and Virginia.

What’s the difference between therapy and career coaching?

Career coaching focuses on goal-setting, clarity, and action. It’s typically structured around career exploration, executive functioning, and building momentum toward independence. Therapy goes deeper, addressing emotional patterns, anxiety, or self-esteem issues that may contribute to being stuck. At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we offer both — and sometimes a combination is most helpful.

What if my young adult doesn’t think they need coaching?

That’s common. Many young adults feel uncertain but don’t yet know how to ask for help. Framing coaching as a low-pressure conversation — rather than a big commitment — can help reduce resistance. We often encourage parents to say, “You don’t have to sign up for anything. Just talk to someone and see if it feels helpful.”

Is it okay to reach out as a parent before my child is on board?

Yes. Many of the families we work with begin with a parent consultation. We can help you explore how to approach the conversation, what to expect from coaching, and how to support your child without overwhelming them.

Can career coaching help if my child is dealing with anxiety or low motivation?

Yes. Career coaching is not a replacement for therapy, but it can be incredibly helpful when paired with therapeutic support. Coaching focuses on building confidence, routines, and decision-making skills — especially for young adults who are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure where to begin.

Do you offer virtual coaching?

Yes. We offer virtual career coaching for young adults across Connecticut and Virginia, as well as in-person sessions at our Westport, CT office. We also provide support to parents who are navigating how to help from a distance.

What Is Failure to Launch? Signs Your Young Adult May Be Struggling to Thrive

It’s not uncommon for young adults to hit roadblocks after high school or college. Some move back home after graduation, others pause before starting careers. A little uncertainty is expected. But when months turn into years of stalled progress — no clear direction, no next step — it can leave families feeling frustrated, confused, and unsure of how to help.

It’s a pattern that’s often labeled as “failure to launch” — but behind that label is usually a mix of anxiety, self-doubt, and stalled momentum that deserves understanding, not judgment.

The term “failure to launch” can sound harsh, but at its core, it describes something real: a pattern where a capable young adult struggles to move forward in areas like work, school, or independent living. Often, they’re stuck in a cycle of avoidance, anxiety, and low motivation, which can be confusing and heartbreaking for parents to witness.

Let’s take a closer look at what failure to launch really means, why it happens, and how therapy can help.

What Is Failure to Launch?

"Failure to launch" refers to when a young adult has difficulty making the transition into independent adulthood. This might look like:

• Living at home with no plans to move out

• Not working or pursuing education

• Avoiding responsibilities like budgeting, scheduling, or self-care

• Relying heavily on parents for emotional or logistical support

• Seeming unsure, unmotivated, or anxious about the future

It’s easy to misread these struggles as a lack of motivation, but for many young adults, the experience is far more complicated. They often feel stuck, overwhelmed, or ashamed — and unsure how to move forward, even when they want to.

Signs Your Young Adult May Be Struggling to Launch

Every person is different, but some common signs of a "failure to launch" pattern include:

• Chronic avoidance of decision-making

• Disengagement from peers, work, or academics

• Difficulty maintaining routines or basic responsibilities

• High sensitivity to stress or uncertainty

• Frequent conflicts with parents about independence

• Low motivation despite past achievement

• Anxiety or hopelessness when talking about the future

These challenges don’t develop overnight, and they don’t mean your young adult lacks potential. In fact, many of the young people we work with in therapy are bright, thoughtful, and creative. They just need support in different areas to move forward.

Why Does This Happen?

There’s no single cause of failure to launch. Often, it’s a mix of factors:

• Anxiety or depression that makes everyday tasks feel overwhelming

• Perfectionism or fear of failure that prevents taking risks

• Executive functioning difficulties, such as challenges with planning, follow-through, or organization

• Low self-esteem or unclear sense of identity

• Over-involvement or enmeshment in the parent-child relationship

• Disrupted transitions, like medical conditions, dropping out of college or moving home unexpectedly

It’s also important to consider the larger context. The landscape of young adulthood has changed. Social pressures, an unpredictable job market, and growing mental health challenges have made this phase of life more complex than it once was. For many young people, navigating these changes feels overwhelming, and they’re doing the best they can with the tools they have.

How We Help Young Adults Get Unstuck

For young adults who feel stalled, overwhelmed, or unsure of where to start, having the right kind of support can make all the difference. At our practice, we offer a combination of therapy and career coaching — two approaches that work best when used together.

Career coaching helps young adults gain clarity around their goals — both short-term and long-term. It offers structure, accountability, and step-by-step support to move forward. Whether it’s applying to jobs, creating routines, or building confidence in decision-making, coaching gives momentum to the process of launching.

At the same time, therapy addresses the deeper layers that can keep someone stuck — things like anxiety, self-doubt, low self-worth, perfectionism, or fear of failure. In therapy, we focus on building insight and emotional regulation, while helping clients reconnect to a sense of agency and possibility.

We focus on creating a supportive, collaborative environment where young adults can move forward at a sustainable pace. With both practical tools and emotional insight, we help clients build momentum through clarity, consistency, and genuine encouragement.

We also work closely with parents when appropriate — offering guidance on how to support your adult child in ways that encourage growth without reinforcing dependence.

This Doesn’t Have to Be the End of the Story

If your young adult is struggling to launch, it doesn’t mean they’re broken — and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. What it often means is that something in the system needs support.

We’ve worked with many young adults who felt stuck for years and who found their way forward with the right combination of therapeutic insight, coaching support, and clear, compassionate boundaries at home.

Therapy for Young Adults in Westport, CT and Across Connecticut

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we specialize in helping young adults and their families move through this difficult period of transition.

Our Therapy and Career Coaching services are available for young adults in Westport, CT, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia. Whether your child is living at home, navigating post-college limbo, or simply feeling lost — we’re here to help.

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FAQ

What are the signs of failure to launch in young adults?

Failure to launch isn’t a formal diagnosis, but it often describes a pattern where a young adult is struggling to move forward with typical milestones of independence. Some common signs include living at home without a plan, avoiding work or school, lacking motivation, or feeling overwhelmed by decisions. It can also show up as anxiety, low self-confidence, or executive functioning challenges that make daily responsibilities feel unmanageable.

What kind of therapy helps with failure to launch?

Therapy that addresses failure to launch often combines emotional insight with practical skill-building. At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we support young adults through a mix of talk therapy, executive functioning support, and (when appropriate) career coaching. Therapy can help uncover what’s keeping someone stuck — like anxiety, perfectionism, or self-doubt — and coaching provides structure and accountability to move forward.

Is it normal for adult children to still live at home?

Yes — especially in today’s world. Economic shifts, student debt, and mental health challenges have made the transition into independent adulthood more complex. Living at home doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong. But if your adult child feels stuck, avoidant, or distressed — and it’s creating tension at home — it may be time to explore extra support.

Can anxiety cause failure to launch?

Absolutely. Anxiety is one of the most common root causes we see in young adults who feel paralyzed by next steps. It can show up as indecision, avoidance, perfectionism, or intense fear of failure. Therapy can help clients build coping tools, reduce avoidance patterns, and begin to take action even when discomfort is present.

Do you offer therapy for young adults in Connecticut and Virginia?

Yes. We offer in-person sessions at our Westport, CT office and virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia. We specialize in working with young adults who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward — including those navigating failure to launch patterns, anxiety, or career indecision.

If you're looking for support, we’d be glad to talk about whether our approach might be the right fit.

Learning to Say No: Strategies for Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Photo credit @wildlittlethingsphoto

Introduction:

Setting boundaries in relationships is essential for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. In this post, we'll explore strategies for learning to say no and setting healthy boundaries in relationships.

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5 strategies for setting healthy boundaries in your life:

1. Understand your priorities

Before you can effectively set boundaries, you need to understand your own priorities and values. Make a list of your top priorities and use it as a reference point when making decisions about how to spend your time and energy.

2. Practice saying no

Saying no can be challenging, especially if you're used to saying yes to everything. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations to build your confidence.

3. Be clear and concise

When setting boundaries, it's important to be clear and direct. Avoid making excuses or justifications, and stick to your boundaries even if the other person doesn't like it.

4. Practice self-compassion

Remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-care and self-respect, and it's okay to prioritize your own needs. Practice self-compassion by being kind and understanding to yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

5. Communicate clearly and respectfully

When setting boundaries, it's important to communicate clearly and respectfully with the other person. Use "I" statements to express your own needs and feelings, and avoid blaming or attacking the other person.

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Conclusion:

Learning to say no and setting healthy boundaries takes practice, but it's an important step towards maintaining mental and emotional well-being. By prioritizing your own needs and being clear and respectful in your communication, you can build stronger and healthier relationships with others.

Are you struggling with boundaries in your life? We can help. Set up a free phone consultation today with one of our expert therapists