Why Am I So Angry? Understanding and Managing Anger in Teens & Young Adults

Anger is a normal emotion—but when it starts to feel constant, overwhelming, or out of control, it can take a toll. For teens, college students, and young professionals, anger often shows up in ways that are confusing or distressing: snapping at people you care about, withdrawing from conversations, or feeling like your emotions are too big to handle.

We often hear clients say things like:

“I don’t know why I get so angry. It just happens.”

“I regret how I reacted, but I felt out of control.”

“I didn’t mean to lash out—but I felt cornered and overwhelmed.”

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Anger is often a sign that something deeper is going on beneath the surface, and understanding your anger is the first step toward managing it in healthier, more empowering ways.

This post explores how anger shows up in teens and young adults, what might be driving it, and how therapy can help build long-term emotional regulation.

What Does Anger Look Like in Teens and Young Adults?

Anger doesn’t always look like yelling or slamming doors. In teens and emerging adults, anger often shows up as:

• Irritability or mood swings

• Sudden emotional outbursts

• Sarcasm, withdrawal, or defensiveness

• Passive-aggressive behavior

• Arguments with family, roommates, or partners

• Bottling things up until they explode

• Shame or regret after reacting in the heat of the moment

You might feel angry all the time, even if you can’t explain why. Or maybe small things set you off—traffic, a comment, a plan change—more than they should. That doesn’t mean you’re just an “angry person.” It means your nervous system may be holding more than it can handle, and it’s looking for a release.

What Causes Anger Issues in Teens and Young Adults?

There’s no single cause of anger problems. But in our work with teens and young adults, we often find that persistent anger is a response to deeper experiences like:

• Unprocessed stress or trauma

• Chronic anxiety or burnout

• Perfectionism or fear of failure

• Feeling misunderstood or dismissed

• Struggles with identity or autonomy

• Executive functioning challenges (especially under pressure)

• Feeling stuck in school, career, or relationships

For many young people, anger masks more vulnerable emotions—like fear, sadness, or shame. If those feelings never had space to be processed, they can show up as quick tempers or emotional shutdowns.

Is This Just a Phase, or Is It Time to Get Help?

Occasional frustration is part of life. But if you or your child feels frequently angry, irritable, or overwhelmed by emotions, it may be time to explore support.

You don’t have to wait for things to get worse. Therapy for anger and emotional regulation can help you:

• Understand the deeper causes of your anger

• Develop tools to pause, reflect, and respond instead of react

• Learn strategies for calming the nervous system in the moment

• Build better communication in relationships

• Strengthen emotional awareness and resilience

We work with teens, college students, and young professionals who are ready to understand their emotional world—not just “manage it,” but work through it.

Anger Management Therapy Isn’t About Shutting Down Emotions

Sometimes people assume that anger management is about learning how to bottle things up or “just be calm.” But that’s not the goal.

We don’t believe in silencing emotions. Instead, we help clients:

• Identify the signals their body and mind are sending

• Build nervous system regulation tools that actually work

• Increase tolerance for uncomfortable emotions

• Create new pathways through habits, structure, and self-awareness

Therapy provides a safe space to unpack what’s happening beneath the surface and to learn new ways to navigate big feelings without shutting them down.

Therapy for Anger Issues in Teens and Young Adults

In our practice, we offer anger management therapy in Westport, CT, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia. Whether we’re working with teens, young professionals, or college students, we tailor our approach to meet each person’s unique needs.

We also support clients navigating related challenges like:

• Anxiety and stress management

• Identity development and self-esteem

• Life transitions and career pressures

• Executive functioning struggles

• Family conflict and boundary-setting

Anger is never the whole story. With the right support, it becomes a doorway into something deeper—growth, healing, and real change.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If you're a young adult feeling overwhelmed by your own reactions—or a parent noticing your teen is struggling to manage emotions—know that help is available.

Therapy isn’t about fixing who you are. It’s about giving you tools, space, and support to work through what’s getting in your way.

We offer therapy for anger issues for teens and young adults in Westport, CT and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia.

Let’s talk about what’s been coming up.

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FAQ: Anger Issues in Young Adults and Teens

What are the signs that anger might be a problem?

If anger is interfering with relationships, school, work, or emotional wellbeing—or if it feels constant or uncontrollable—it’s worth exploring with a therapist.

Is anger always a bad thing?

No. Anger can be a healthy signal that something needs attention. Therapy helps you listen to that signal and respond with intention, not reactivity.

How does therapy help with anger issues?

Therapy helps clients understand the root of their anger, learn nervous system regulation strategies, and build communication skills to handle conflict without escalation.

Can anger be a sign of anxiety or depression?

Yes. Especially in teens and young adults, chronic anger can be a symptom of underlying anxiety, depression, or burnout.

Do you offer virtual anger management therapy?

Yes. We offer virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia, and in-person sessions at our office in Westport, CT.

Beyond Motivation: Understanding What’s Holding Your Young Adult Back

It can be difficult to watch your young adult child stall out. Maybe they’ve been talking about job ideas for months without sending out applications. Or they seem overwhelmed by even small decisions, unsure of what they want or how to move forward. As a parent, it’s easy to wonder if the real issue is a lack of motivation.

But motivation is often the symptom, not the cause. What looks like avoidance or procrastination on the surface may actually be rooted in anxiety, fear of failure, or not knowing where to begin. Labeling the problem as “unmotivated” can oversimplify what’s really going on—and make it harder to offer meaningful support.

This post explores what might be happening underneath the surface, and how career coaching can help young adults move forward when they’re feeling stuck.

Why Motivation Gets Misunderstood

Motivation gets talked about a lot in popular culture, but in real life it doesn’t behave the way most people expect. Parents searching for why young adults lack motivation are often looking for a quick answer. It’s natural to wonder whether your child is lazy or whether they just need a push.

But motivation is complex. It isn’t a simple on‑off switch that comes with maturity or self‑confidence. Instead, it is often a response to feelings of uncertainty, fear, or overwhelm. Many young adults who appear unmotivated are actually wrestling with internal barriers that make action feel risky or futile.

When these barriers are present, the brain shifts into a protective mode. Rather than moving toward opportunities, the young adult may hesitate, delay, or freeze. Parents may see this as resistance or lack of motivation. In truth, it may be a sign of fear of failure, low self‑trust, or confusion about what path to choose.

Common Underlying Challenges Behind “Lack of Motivation”

Lack of motivation in young adults often has roots in one or more of the following patterns:

Fear of Failure

Some young adults have internalized the idea that failing means lack of worth. As a result, they may avoid trying anything that could lead to failure, even small steps like updating a resume or applying to jobs.

Overwhelm and Decision Paralysis

Emerging adults face a wider array of choices than past generations. Choosing a major, picking a job, or deciding where to live can feel like life‑defining decisions. Without tools to process options, overwhelm can replace motivation.

Comparison to Others

If a young adult sees peers landing jobs or making confident moves, they may assume everyone else has it figured out and they alone are struggling. This can lead to isolation and internal pressure that blocks action.

Executive Functioning Challenges

Some young adults may struggle with planning, organizing, and following through even when they want to act. These challenges often get mislabeled as laziness when they are really about cognitive barriers.

Low Self‑Belief

Negative self‑talk or patterns like perfectionism can erode motivation. If someone feels they must be perfect or never make mistakes, they may do nothing at all rather than risk imperfection.

Emotional Avoidance

For some, the avoidance of career tasks is rooted in avoidance of uncomfortable feelings. Avoidance can feel safer than confronting fear, uncertainty, or self‑doubt.

When these patterns are playing out, the result looks like a motivation issue, but the label doesn’t capture what’s really happening. Identifying the real block is the first step toward meaningful movement.

Why Motivation Matters — But Not in the Way You Think

Motivation often gets framed as a character trait: you either have it or you don’t. That framing can feel discouraging to both parents and young adults. It pits internal desire against behavior in a way that is not accurate or helpful.

Instead, motivation in the context of life direction is better understood as a product of clarity, confidence, and competence. When a young adult:

• understands what matters to them

• feels safe to take risks

• and has tools to approach tasks

then motivation naturally grows.

In contrast, if someone lacks direction, is afraid of failure, or feels unsure how to take the first step, motivation alone isn’t enough. That’s where coaching and structured support can make a real difference.

How Career Coaching Helps With Motivation Struggles

Career coaching for young adults isn’t about telling them what to do. It’s about helping them explore what matters and creating a plan that aligns with their values and strengths. In our practice, career coaching often includes:

• Clarifying short‑ and long‑term goals

• Exploring career interests and personal values

• Building routines that support follow‑through

• Strengthening decision‑making and self‑trust

• Identifying and addressing patterns like avoidance, fear of failure, or indecision

This approach is practical and compassionate. It helps young adults build momentum from the inside out rather than forcing motivation from the outside in.

Parents searching for career coaching for young adults often appreciate that coaching can reduce the emotional charge around directionless behavior. When a young adult feels supported rather than judged, they are more likely to engage and make progress.

How to Talk About Coaching With a Young Adult

We know that suggesting career coaching to your young adult isn’t always easy. Even a well-intentioned conversation can feel sensitive, especially if motivation has been a pain point. That’s why we created a separate resource just for parents navigating this conversation.

Read: How to Talk About Career Coaching With Your Young Adult

Signs That Career Coaching Might Be Helpful

Career coaching can be especially useful for young adults who:

• Feel unsure about their next steps after school

• Struggle with job searching or follow‑through

• Find choices overwhelming and avoid decision‑making

• Want to move forward but feel stuck

• Demonstrate patterns of avoidance or fear of failure

• Express frustration but don’t know where to start

Even if motivation seems low on the surface, these patterns often point to areas where coaching can help create clarity, structure, and confidence.

Support That Moves Things Forward

It’s hard to see your child feeling stuck — especially when you know how capable they are. When motivation is low, it’s easy to assume they just need to try harder. But in our experience, the real issue is often something deeper: uncertainty, fear of failure, or not knowing where to begin.

Career coaching can help break that cycle. It gives young adults space to sort through what matters, build realistic goals, and take consistent steps forward. And for parents, it offers a way to support growth without micromanaging — a path forward that respects everyone’s autonomy.

If your young adult is open to exploring next steps, we’re here to help.

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FAQ: Lack of Motivation in Young Adults

What causes lack of motivation in young adults?

Lack of motivation in young adults is often not the issue itself. It is a signal that other barriers are present, such as fear of failure, overwhelm, comparison to peers, or low self‑trust. Identifying these underlying causes can lead to more effective support.

Is low motivation a mental health symptom?

Low motivation can be associated with conditions like anxiety, depression, or burnout. It can also arise from executive functioning challenges or identity uncertainty. A professional assessment can help clarify what’s contributing to the experience.

Can career coaching help with motivation issues?

Yes. Career coaching focuses on goals, structure, decision‑making skills, and self‑trust. It can help young adults gain confidence and momentum, even if they initially feel unmotivated.

How do I introduce the idea of coaching to my young adult?

Introducing coaching as a low‑pressure conversation can help. Assure them they don’t have to commit to anything long‑term and frame coaching as an opportunity to explore options with support.

Do you offer virtual coaching?

Yes. We offer virtual career coaching for young adults anywhere in the United States, as well as in‑person sessions at our Westport, CT office.

Helping Without Hovering: How Parents Can Talk About Career Coaching With Young Adults

One of the most common conversations we have with parents goes something like this:

“I know my child is struggling, but I don’t know how to bring up the idea of getting support. I don’t want to push them away or make them feel like I’m hovering.”

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Many parents can clearly see their young adult child feeling stuck. They might seem lost after graduating or unsure about the next step; they may feel discouraged or hopeless in the midst of a lengthy job search process or unable to follow through on goals they once felt excited about. It’s hard to witness that as a parent. You want to offer support, but you also want to respect your child’s autonomy. That tension is real.

Bringing up the idea of career coaching can feel like walking a tightrope. You may worry that your child will feel criticized, or that even a gentle suggestion could cause them to shut down. But with the right language and timing, it’s possible to introduce the idea in a way that feels respectful and empowering.

This post describes how we support parents who are navigating that delicate balance—offering help while honoring their child’s independence.

We offer career coaching for young adults in Westport, CT, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia.

Why Some Young Adults Struggle to Accept Help

Many young adults who feel stuck already know something isn’t quite working. They may not talk about it openly, but the signs often show up in other ways. They might avoid decisions, procrastinate, or talk about wanting to “figure things out” without taking any steps to get there.

Part of what makes this experience so isolating is the belief that they’re supposed to already know what they’re doing. Our culture often sends the message that independence should come naturally, and that asking for help means you’ve somehow fallen behind. If they’re watching peers land jobs, move out, or talk confidently about their goals, they may assume they’re the only one who’s struggling.

That belief can lead to shame, which makes it even harder to reach out. So when a parent suggests something like career coaching, even gently, it may land with more weight than expected. Your child might hear “you need help” when what you meant was “you don’t have to do this alone.”

That’s why timing and tone matter. The goal isn’t to push them to act before they’re ready. It’s to remind them that support exists—and that they’re not falling behind just because their path looks different.

What Career Coaching Actually Offers

Career coaching is not about telling someone what to do. It’s a collaborative space that helps young adults clarify their goals, build structure, and create momentum. Coaching supports the process of identifying what matters, exploring options, and taking consistent action.

In our practice, career coaching often includes:

• Setting short- and long-term goals

• Exploring and clarifying career interests and values

• Building routines and systems that support follow-through

• Strengthening decision-making and self-trust

• Working through patterns like avoidance, perfectionism, or self-doubt

The approach is supportive and non-directive. We don’t define success for your child—we help them define it for themselves and take actionable steps to achieve it.

When to Talk to Your Young Adult About Career Coaching

There’s no single right moment to have this conversation, but some times are better than others. Our advice is to try to choose a moment when things feel relatively calm. Avoid bringing it up in the middle of an argument or when emotions are already high.

Helpful windows often include:

• After your child expresses frustration or uncertainty

• When they’re reflecting on a recent transition, like moving home or finishing school

• During natural times of reset, such as the beginning of a new year

Keep the tone open and supportive. The more curious and grounded you are, the more likely they are to stay in the conversation.

How to Introduce Career Coaching to Your Young Adult Without Pushing

The way you introduce career coaching can make all the difference. When your child already feels uncertain or discouraged, the last thing they need is to feel pushed or boxed into something they didn’t choose.

Here are a few ways to keep the conversation open and supportive:

Use curiosity instead of advice

“I’ve been thinking about whether having someone to talk to outside the family might feel helpful.”

Affirm their strengths

“You’re thoughtful and capable. It’s completely understandable to feel stuck sometimes. I really believe you can move through this, and I wonder if coaching might help with that.”

Lower their perception of the commitment

One thing we often encourage parents to say is something like, “You don’t have to sign up for anything long-term. You could just have a conversation and see if it feels helpful. That’s it.”

Clarify what coaching actually is

“Career coaching isn’t about someone telling you what to do. It’s about working with someone who can help you figure out what you want and how to take the next step.”

Give them space

“You don’t need to decide anything now. I just want you to know there are resources if you want them.”

The goal is to offer support without pressure—so that when your child is ready, they know where to start.

Signs That Coaching Could Be a Good Fit

Coaching can be especially helpful for young adults who:

• Feel unsure about their next steps after school

• Struggle with job searching, follow-through, or creating routines

• Are navigating a career transition from one industry to another

• Avoid decisions or feel overwhelmed by choices

• Are motivated in theory but unsure how to begin

• Want to move forward but feel stuck trying to do it alone

Even small signs of openness—like frustration with their current situation or asking for guidance—can be a cue that they’re ready for support.

You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers

As a parent, it’s hard to watch your child struggle. You want them to feel confident, engaged, and independent. But the truth is, this stage of life can be complicated. Many young adults need more structure and support than they expected.

Career coaching gives them a space to explore what matters, build momentum, and make choices that feel meaningful to them. And for parents, it offers a way to support without pushing and to guide without hovering.

If you think career coaching might be helpful for your child, we’d be glad to talk more about what that could look like.

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FAQ: Talking to Your Young Adult About Career Coaching

If you’re searching for career coaching for young adults in Westport, CT or need support from afar, we offer virtual sessions across Connecticut and Virginia.

What’s the difference between therapy and career coaching?

Career coaching focuses on goal-setting, clarity, and action. It’s typically structured around career exploration, executive functioning, and building momentum toward independence. Therapy goes deeper, addressing emotional patterns, anxiety, or self-esteem issues that may contribute to being stuck. At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we offer both — and sometimes a combination is most helpful.

What if my young adult doesn’t think they need coaching?

That’s common. Many young adults feel uncertain but don’t yet know how to ask for help. Framing coaching as a low-pressure conversation — rather than a big commitment — can help reduce resistance. We often encourage parents to say, “You don’t have to sign up for anything. Just talk to someone and see if it feels helpful.”

Is it okay to reach out as a parent before my child is on board?

Yes. Many of the families we work with begin with a parent consultation. We can help you explore how to approach the conversation, what to expect from coaching, and how to support your child without overwhelming them.

Can career coaching help if my child is dealing with anxiety or low motivation?

Yes. Career coaching is not a replacement for therapy, but it can be incredibly helpful when paired with therapeutic support. Coaching focuses on building confidence, routines, and decision-making skills — especially for young adults who are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure where to begin.

Do you offer virtual coaching?

Yes. We offer virtual career coaching for young adults across Connecticut and Virginia, as well as in-person sessions at our Westport, CT office. We also provide support to parents who are navigating how to help from a distance.

Chronic Stress & the Nervous System: How Therapy Can Help

When stress becomes the default setting, it’s hard to notice how much it’s costing you.

Most people can handle short bursts of stress. It’s part of being human. But when that stress becomes constant — woven into daily life without a clear off-ramp — it can start to take a real toll, both physically and emotionally.

Chronic stress doesn’t always look dramatic. In fact, many of the clients we work with are thoughtful, high-achieving individuals who are used to managing a lot. On the outside, they may appear calm, competent, and in control — but inside, they feel tense, overwhelmed, and depleted. Social pressure to keep it together often adds another layer, making it harder to recognize or address what’s actually going on.

The effects of chronic stress tend to build slowly. It might show up as disrupted sleep, persistent tension, irritability, brain fog, or the sense of never quite coming off high alert. Over time, the nervous system adapts to this constant demand by shifting into survival mode. The longer it stays there, the harder it becomes to return to a baseline of calm.

This article explores how chronic stress impacts the brain and body, and how therapy can help interrupt the cycle, support nervous system regulation, and create space for sustainable healing.

What Happens When Stress Becomes Chronic

Stress activates the body’s fight-flight-freeze response, a built-in survival system designed to protect us from danger. In short bursts, this response is useful: It sharpens focus, increases energy, and helps us respond to immediate challenges. But the nervous system isn’t designed to live in this state indefinitely. When stress is constant, the “off switch” becomes harder to access.

Chronic stress often develops in response to ongoing demands that feel hard to escape or control. For many teens and young adults, this might stem from academic pressure, social stress, or the weight of high expectations. Young professionals may experience it through unstable work environments, financial uncertainty, or difficulty balancing independence with responsibility. And for individuals living with chronic pain, the constant management of symptoms and daily functioning can place the nervous system in a prolonged state of strain. Over time, stress like this can shift the body’s baseline — making rest, clarity, and emotional flexibility harder to access.

People experiencing chronic stress often describe:

• Trouble sleeping, even when exhausted

• Increased irritability or emotional numbness

• Physical symptoms with no clear medical cause

• Constant muscle tension or digestive issues

• Difficulty focusing or making decisions

• Feeling disconnected from self or others

It’s important to recognize that these aren’t isolated symptoms. They’re part of a larger pattern rooted in nervous system dysregulation, a state where the body struggles to return to a sense of safety or calm.

What Chronic Stress Does to the Nervous System

When the nervous system is under constant demand, it often shifts into sympathetic dominance. This means the body stays in a state of readiness: heart rate elevated, muscles tense, stress hormones like cortisol remaining high. At the same time, the parasympathetic system — responsible for rest and recovery — becomes harder to access.

This can lead to:

• A persistent feeling of urgency or vigilance

• Emotional overwhelm, or difficulty feeling emotions at all

• Physical fatigue with no sense of real rest

• Delayed recovery from even small stressors

Over time, these physiological patterns can change the way the brain interprets and responds to experiences. The amygdala, which processes threat, may become more reactive. The prefrontal cortex, which supports executive function and regulation, may struggle to stay engaged.

These shifts are not signs of weakness or failure. They’re the nervous system adapting to ongoing conditions — and they are reversible, especially with the right support.

What Makes Chronic Stress Different From General Anxiety or Burnout?

Although these experiences often overlap, chronic stress is not the same as generalized anxiety or burnout.

• Anxiety can occur in the absence of external stressors. It’s often characterized by intrusive worry and future-oriented fear.

• Burnout is typically related to occupational stress and emotional exhaustion related to roles and responsibilities.

• Chronic stress describes the body’s sustained physiological and psychological response to persistent external demand. It often includes features of both anxiety and burnout but is rooted in prolonged activation of the stress response system itself.

This distinction matters because treatment and support need to match the nature of the problem. In therapy, understanding whether a client is experiencing chronic stress — versus burnout or generalized anxiety — helps guide the work in a more targeted way.

How Therapy Can Help With Chronic Stress

Therapy provides a structured, collaborative space to understand your stress patterns, regulate your nervous system, and rebuild a sense of internal safety. For many clients, the shift doesn’t happen through “relaxation” alone. It comes from learning new ways of relating to the body’s signals and stress responses over time.

Effective therapy for chronic stress often includes:

Nervous System Regulation

We introduce grounding practices, breathwork, and body-based strategies that support the parasympathetic nervous system. These tools are practical and repeatable, helping clients return to a calmer baseline.

Emotional Processing

Chronic stress often leads to suppressed or dysregulated emotion. Therapy offers a place to name what’s been held in or pushed aside — safely and at your own pace.

Thought Pattern Awareness

Cognitive work helps clients understand how beliefs and internal narratives reinforce the stress response. This includes patterns like perfectionism, guilt, or constant self-monitoring.

Behavior and Boundaries

Together, we explore where energy is being spent — and whether that aligns with values or survival patterns. Setting boundaries or reevaluating commitments becomes a key part of re-regulation.

Identity and Agency

Long-term stress can lead to disconnection from values, motivation, or sense of self. Therapy can help reconnect with purpose and clarify what matters beyond coping.

Causes of Chronic Stress We Commonly See

Every client brings their own experiences and context to therapy, but among the teens, young adults, and professionals we work with, chronic stress often stems from:

• Ongoing academic pressure or fear of falling behind

• Career uncertainty, job instability, or workplace burnout

• Identity-related stress (including race, gender, and sexuality)

• The impact of chronic pain or complex health conditions

• High family expectations or tension around independence

• A history of trauma or emotional disconnection

• The mental load of “keeping it together” without visible support

Stress doesn’t only come from obvious crises. The nervous system responds just as strongly to emotional overload, social pressure, and situations where a person feels stuck but still expected to function.

Therapy for Chronic Stress in Westport, CT and Beyond

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we support adults, teens, and young professionals experiencing the mental, emotional, and physical effects of chronic stress. We offer therapy that’s grounded in:

• Nervous system science and regulation

• Trauma-informed frameworks

• Cognitive and somatic integration

• Realistic tools for daily life

• Collaborative, client-centered care

We see clients in person at our Westport, CT office, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia.

If you’re finding it hard to rest, think clearly, or feel like yourself — that may be a sign your system is carrying more than it can manage alone. Therapy can help.

Schedule a Free Consultation

If stress has become the background noise of your life, it may be time for support that goes deeper than just coping skills.

We’re here to help you reconnect to a sense of calm, clarity, and possibility — one step at a time.

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FAQ: Therapy for Chronic Stress and Nervous System Regulation

What are the effects of chronic stress?

Chronic stress can affect nearly every system in the body. It often shows up as fatigue, sleep problems, digestive issues, tension, brain fog, irritability, and difficulty regulating emotion. Over time, it may increase the risk of anxiety, depression, and physical health issues.

How does therapy help with chronic stress?

Therapy helps by addressing both the physiological and psychological patterns that keep stress going. We use tools for nervous system regulation, emotional processing, and cognitive restructuring to create meaningful, lasting change.

Can chronic stress affect memory or concentration?

Yes. Chronic stress affects areas of the brain related to focus, memory, and decision-making. Clients often report feeling foggy or distracted, even when they’re trying to stay on task.

Do you offer virtual therapy for stress and burnout?

Yes. We offer in person therapy in Westport, CT and virtual therapy to clients across Connecticut and Virginia. Whether you’re looking for help with chronic stress, high-functioning anxiety, or burnout, we can support you from wherever you are.

What Is Failure to Launch? Signs Your Young Adult May Be Struggling to Thrive

It’s not uncommon for young adults to hit roadblocks after high school or college. Some move back home after graduation, others pause before starting careers. A little uncertainty is expected. But when months turn into years of stalled progress — no clear direction, no next step — it can leave families feeling frustrated, confused, and unsure of how to help.

It’s a pattern that’s often labeled as “failure to launch” — but behind that label is usually a mix of anxiety, self-doubt, and stalled momentum that deserves understanding, not judgment.

The term “failure to launch” can sound harsh, but at its core, it describes something real: a pattern where a capable young adult struggles to move forward in areas like work, school, or independent living. Often, they’re stuck in a cycle of avoidance, anxiety, and low motivation, which can be confusing and heartbreaking for parents to witness.

Let’s take a closer look at what failure to launch really means, why it happens, and how therapy can help.

What Is Failure to Launch?

"Failure to launch" refers to when a young adult has difficulty making the transition into independent adulthood. This might look like:

• Living at home with no plans to move out

• Not working or pursuing education

• Avoiding responsibilities like budgeting, scheduling, or self-care

• Relying heavily on parents for emotional or logistical support

• Seeming unsure, unmotivated, or anxious about the future

It’s easy to misread these struggles as a lack of motivation, but for many young adults, the experience is far more complicated. They often feel stuck, overwhelmed, or ashamed — and unsure how to move forward, even when they want to.

Signs Your Young Adult May Be Struggling to Launch

Every person is different, but some common signs of a "failure to launch" pattern include:

• Chronic avoidance of decision-making

• Disengagement from peers, work, or academics

• Difficulty maintaining routines or basic responsibilities

• High sensitivity to stress or uncertainty

• Frequent conflicts with parents about independence

• Low motivation despite past achievement

• Anxiety or hopelessness when talking about the future

These challenges don’t develop overnight, and they don’t mean your young adult lacks potential. In fact, many of the young people we work with in therapy are bright, thoughtful, and creative. They just need support in different areas to move forward.

Why Does This Happen?

There’s no single cause of failure to launch. Often, it’s a mix of factors:

• Anxiety or depression that makes everyday tasks feel overwhelming

• Perfectionism or fear of failure that prevents taking risks

• Executive functioning difficulties, such as challenges with planning, follow-through, or organization

• Low self-esteem or unclear sense of identity

• Over-involvement or enmeshment in the parent-child relationship

• Disrupted transitions, like medical conditions, dropping out of college or moving home unexpectedly

It’s also important to consider the larger context. The landscape of young adulthood has changed. Social pressures, an unpredictable job market, and growing mental health challenges have made this phase of life more complex than it once was. For many young people, navigating these changes feels overwhelming, and they’re doing the best they can with the tools they have.

How We Help Young Adults Get Unstuck

For young adults who feel stalled, overwhelmed, or unsure of where to start, having the right kind of support can make all the difference. At our practice, we offer a combination of therapy and career coaching — two approaches that work best when used together.

Career coaching helps young adults gain clarity around their goals — both short-term and long-term. It offers structure, accountability, and step-by-step support to move forward. Whether it’s applying to jobs, creating routines, or building confidence in decision-making, coaching gives momentum to the process of launching.

At the same time, therapy addresses the deeper layers that can keep someone stuck — things like anxiety, self-doubt, low self-worth, perfectionism, or fear of failure. In therapy, we focus on building insight and emotional regulation, while helping clients reconnect to a sense of agency and possibility.

We focus on creating a supportive, collaborative environment where young adults can move forward at a sustainable pace. With both practical tools and emotional insight, we help clients build momentum through clarity, consistency, and genuine encouragement.

We also work closely with parents when appropriate — offering guidance on how to support your adult child in ways that encourage growth without reinforcing dependence.

This Doesn’t Have to Be the End of the Story

If your young adult is struggling to launch, it doesn’t mean they’re broken — and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. What it often means is that something in the system needs support.

We’ve worked with many young adults who felt stuck for years and who found their way forward with the right combination of therapeutic insight, coaching support, and clear, compassionate boundaries at home.

Therapy for Young Adults in Westport, CT and Across Connecticut

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we specialize in helping young adults and their families move through this difficult period of transition.

Our Therapy and Career Coaching services are available for young adults in Westport, CT, and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia. Whether your child is living at home, navigating post-college limbo, or simply feeling lost — we’re here to help.

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FAQ

What are the signs of failure to launch in young adults?

Failure to launch isn’t a formal diagnosis, but it often describes a pattern where a young adult is struggling to move forward with typical milestones of independence. Some common signs include living at home without a plan, avoiding work or school, lacking motivation, or feeling overwhelmed by decisions. It can also show up as anxiety, low self-confidence, or executive functioning challenges that make daily responsibilities feel unmanageable.

What kind of therapy helps with failure to launch?

Therapy that addresses failure to launch often combines emotional insight with practical skill-building. At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we support young adults through a mix of talk therapy, executive functioning support, and (when appropriate) career coaching. Therapy can help uncover what’s keeping someone stuck — like anxiety, perfectionism, or self-doubt — and coaching provides structure and accountability to move forward.

Is it normal for adult children to still live at home?

Yes — especially in today’s world. Economic shifts, student debt, and mental health challenges have made the transition into independent adulthood more complex. Living at home doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong. But if your adult child feels stuck, avoidant, or distressed — and it’s creating tension at home — it may be time to explore extra support.

Can anxiety cause failure to launch?

Absolutely. Anxiety is one of the most common root causes we see in young adults who feel paralyzed by next steps. It can show up as indecision, avoidance, perfectionism, or intense fear of failure. Therapy can help clients build coping tools, reduce avoidance patterns, and begin to take action even when discomfort is present.

Do you offer therapy for young adults in Connecticut and Virginia?

Yes. We offer in-person sessions at our Westport, CT office and virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia. We specialize in working with young adults who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward — including those navigating failure to launch patterns, anxiety, or career indecision.

If you're looking for support, we’d be glad to talk about whether our approach might be the right fit.

How to Manage Test Anxiety: Therapist-Recommended Strategies For Teens and Young Adults

If your stomach drops every time you walk into an exam room, or if you freeze up before a big test despite being fully prepared, you're not alone.

Test anxiety is real, and it’s more than just “nerves.” For many teens and young adults, it can become a distressing, recurring pattern that affects academic performance, mental health, and self-esteem. And while it's common, it's also manageable — especially when you understand what’s happening underneath and how to approach it with the right tools.

As therapists who specialize in anxiety therapy for teens and young adults in Westport, CT and beyond, we work with students all the time who are high-achieving, motivated, and still feel paralyzed by the pressure of performance.

Let’s walk through what test anxiety really is, why it happens, and how therapy can help.

What Is Test Anxiety?

Test anxiety is a form of performance anxiety. It happens when the stress of a testing situation triggers a fight-flight-freeze response — even when the person is academically capable and well-prepared.

Common signs include:

• Racing heart, shortness of breath, nausea

• Negative self-talk or catastrophic thinking (“I’m going to fail,” “Everyone will know I’m not smart”)

• Blank mind or difficulty concentrating during the exam

• Avoidance of studying or over-preparing to an extreme

• Trouble sleeping or feeling on edge before a test

For some, these symptoms start days or weeks before the exam. For others, they hit suddenly the moment they sit down to begin.

Why Does Test Anxiety Happen?

Test anxiety isn’t about laziness or lack of preparation — and it's not something you can just “get over.” It’s often connected to a deeper fear:

❝ What does it say about me if I fail? ❞

That fear might come from:

• Perfectionism or high expectations

• Fear of disappointing others (parents, teachers, coaches)

• Previous negative experiences with testing or school performance

• Generalized anxiety that spikes under pressure

• Undiagnosed OCD or learning differences

• Low tolerance for uncertainty or mistakes

In therapy, we often explore not just the surface anxiety but also the underlying thought patterns, beliefs about success, and habits that reinforce the anxiety loop.

5 Therapist-Backed Strategies for Managing Test Anxiety

Here’s what we focus on with students in therapy — both in-person at our Westport, CT office and virtually across Connecticut and Virginia.

1. Shift from Outcome to Process

Most test anxiety is future-focused: What if I fail? What if I freeze up?

We work with clients to reorient their attention to the process:

• What is within your control?

• What is enough preparation?

• What does it mean to do your best — even if it’s not perfect?

2. Practice Exposure to the Anxiety — Not Avoidance

Avoiding the thought (“I’ll fail”) might feel better in the moment, but it gives anxiety more power. In therapy, we may use exposure-based strategies to face the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without “fixing” them. By building resilience over time, you ultimately learning that the situation is not actually dangerous, and that the uncomfortable sensations are tolerable.

This is especially helpful for students who:

• Constantly seek reassurance

• Rely on rituals before every test

• Feel unable to tolerate even the idea of failure

3. Challenge Unhelpful Thought Loops

Cognitive distortions like:

• “If I don’t ace this test, I’m a failure”

• “One bad grade will ruin everything”

  — are common in test anxiety.

We use CBT techniques to help clients notice, name, and reframe these patterns — so the pressure doesn’t spiral into panic.

4. Support the Nervous System

We don’t just work on changing thoughts — we also help clients build a different relationship with the sensations of anxiety in their bodies.

When test anxiety kicks in, the nervous system often reacts like there's a real threat: fast heart rate, shortness of breath, tense muscles. These responses aren’t dangerous — but they feel urgent. Over time, your brain can start associating tests or performance situations with that sense of danger, even if you're safe.

Through therapy, we use regulation strategies like breathing techniques, grounding, movement, and intentional exposure to anxiety triggers. These techniques aren’t just relaxation strategies; they help the nervous system relearn what's actually threatening and what's not.

Because of neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to rewire itself — we know that the more you practice responding to anxiety differently, the more your system can shift. It’s not just about tolerating stress, it’s about gradually changing the way your body and brain respond to pressure, so it doesn’t feel as overwhelming in the first place.

5. Reframe What “Success” Looks Like

A key part of test anxiety recovery is building flexibility around the idea of achievement. For some students, the pressure to “never mess up” becomes so intense that it blocks learning, creativity, and confidence. Therapy helps create space to redefine success in a way that includes effort, growth, and self-worth — not just grades.

What If I’ve Tried Coping Tools and They Haven’t Worked?

That’s a common experience — especially if the anxiety is part of a larger pattern of perfectionism, social anxiety, or even undiagnosed OCD (which can sometimes show up as performance-related fear).

If you’ve tried breathing exercises, time management tips, or study hacks — and you're still overwhelmed — working with a trained therapist can help you get a more accurate understanding of what is going on, and identify the best strategies to help you experience real change.

Therapy for Test Anxiety in Connecticut and Virginia

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we specialize in working with:

• High school students, college students, and young adults

• Parents supporting anxious teens

• Clients who feel “stuck” in overthinking and performance pressure

We offer in-person sessions at our Westport, CT office, and virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia.

You don’t have to push through it alone — and it doesn’t have to stay this hard. Let’s talk about what you’re experiencing and see if therapy might be a good fit.

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FAQ

What is test anxiety, and how do I know if I have it?

Test anxiety is more than feeling nervous before an exam. It can cause physical symptoms (like nausea or rapid heartbeat), mental blocks (like forgetting everything you studied), and emotional distress. If you find yourself freezing up during tests, constantly over-preparing, or dreading school even when you know you’re capable, you may be experiencing test anxiety.

Can therapy actually help with test anxiety?

Yes. Therapy can help you understand where your anxiety is coming from, challenge unhelpful thinking patterns, and develop new ways to relate to stress. At our practice, we use evidence-based approaches like CBT and exposure work to help clients change the way their brain and body respond to pressure.

Is test anxiety the same as regular anxiety?

Test anxiety is a form of performance anxiety — a specific type of anxiety triggered by evaluation or high-pressure situations. While it shares features with general anxiety (like worry or overthinking), it often involves perfectionism, fear of failure, and physical panic symptoms that show up around academic tasks.

What if study tips and breathing exercises haven’t worked for me?

That’s very common. Many students try coping strategies that only work temporarily or don’t address the root of the anxiety. Therapy can help go deeper — exploring the thought patterns, nervous system responses, and beliefs that keep the anxiety cycle going.

Do you offer therapy for test anxiety in Connecticut or online?

Yes. We work with teens and young adults in-person at our Westport, CT office, and offer virtual therapy throughout Connecticut and Virginia. Whether you're navigating high school, college, or grad school, we’re here to help.

Anxiety vs OCD: What’s the Difference and Why It Matters

You’ve probably heard people say things like:

“I’m so OCD about my desk.”
“I have to color-code everything — it’s my OCD.”

In casual conversation, OCD is often used as a shorthand for being neat, particular, or detail-oriented. While usually well-meaning, this kind of language can blur the line between personality traits and an actual mental health diagnosis — and it contributes to widespread misunderstanding of what OCD truly is.

To make matters more confusing, OCD shares many traits with anxiety disorders: racing thoughts, discomfort with uncertainty, repetitive behaviors, and mental overdrive. As a result, OCD is often misdiagnosed or overlooked — especially when compulsions are subtle or internal.

In our practice, we have seen many clients go years believing they “just have anxiety,” when what they were actually experiencing was obsessive-compulsive disorder. The difference matters — because the treatment that helps most is not the same.

That’s why this distinction matters — not for labels, but for getting the right kind of support.

In this post, we’ll walk through how anxiety and OCD overlap, how they’re different, and how understanding the difference can help you move forward.

Is OCD a Type of Anxiety? Why the Confusion Happens

Anxiety and OCD both exist in the same diagnostic family. OCD was once classified as an anxiety disorder, and both conditions involve fear, discomfort, and avoidance behaviors.

But OCD often gets misdiagnosed as "just anxiety" — especially when compulsions are subtle or internal. When that happens, clients may spend years trying general anxiety treatments (like talk therapy, mindfulness, or basic CBT) that provide little or no relief.

The result? People may start to believe their symptoms are untreatable, when really, they just haven’t had the right map.

What Do Anxiety and OCD Have in Common?

Both anxiety and OCD can cause:

• Physical symptoms like restlessness, fatigue, or tension

• Rumination or repetitive thinking

• Avoidance of certain situations or triggers

• Reassurance-seeking or overplanning

• Difficulty tolerating uncertainty

So yes — they’re related. But they function very differently underneath.

Key Differences Between Anxiety and OCD

While anxiety and OCD share some common features—like racing thoughts, avoidance, and difficulty tolerating uncertainty—they operate differently in important ways. Here are some of the key distinctions:

The Focus of the Thoughts

Anxiety tends to revolve around real-life stressors—things like work, relationships, finances, or health. These worries are often future-oriented and grounded in a “what if something goes wrong?” mindset.

OCD can involve a wide range of thought content, including fears, doubts, or urges that feel sticky, unresolved, or in need of certainty. These might be unwanted and distressing (e.g., harm or taboo thoughts), or they might just feel wrong or incomplete (“Did I say that the right way?” or “Am I 100% sure I locked the door?”). It’s the compulsive reaction to the thought—not the content alone—that defines OCD.

The Meaning Attached to Thoughts

In anxiety, thoughts often feel like extensions of the person’s internal voice. Even if they’re unpleasant, they usually feel like “mine.”

In OCD, thoughts may feel out of place, intrusive, or at odds with your values—causing distress not just because of what they say, but because of what it might mean about you if they’re true. This can lead to intense mental spiraling, doubt, or shame.

How People Respond to the Thoughts

Anxiety-based worries may lead to avoidance, reassurance seeking, or hypervigilance. You might over-plan or talk things through repeatedly.

OCD-related thoughts often lead to compulsions—repetitive behaviors or mental rituals aimed at reducing distress or creating a feeling of certainty. These compulsions can be visible (like checking, washing, or repeating) or internal (like reviewing, counting, or mentally "proving" something is okay).

The Role of Compulsions

With anxiety, the distress can come and go based on real-time stressors.

With OCD, the cycle is more self-reinforcing:

Obsession (sticky thought or doubt) → Anxiety or discomfort → Compulsion (behavior or mental act to relieve it) → Temporary relief → Obsession returns, often stronger

Treatment Pathways

Generalized anxiety often responds well to cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), relaxation techniques, and mindfulness.

OCD, on the other hand, requires a different approach: Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP helps reduce the urge to perform compulsions and gradually retrains the brain to tolerate uncertainty.

Real-Life Examples: How OCD and Anxiety Show Up Differently

Example 1: Relationship Concerns

• Anxiety:
  “I’m worried my partner might lose interest in me.”
  This might lead to overthinking, needing more verbal reassurance, or checking their texts to feel more secure.

• OCD:
  “What if I’m not really in love with my partner, and I’m lying to them without knowing it?”
  This often leads to compulsive analyzing—mentally reviewing past moments, checking feelings, or comparing the relationship to others to find certainty. Even when reassurance is given, the doubt returns in a slightly different form.

Example 2: Health Worries

• Anxiety:
  “I hope I don’t catch a cold before my trip.”
  This might lead to taking extra precautions like hand sanitizer or vitamin C—reasonable steps to reduce risk.

• OCD:
  “What if I already touched something contaminated and now I’ve exposed everyone I care about?”
  This may lead to repeated hand-washing, avoidance of objects or people, or mental reviewing of every step taken. Even after cleaning, the sense of “what if” remains unresolved, prompting more rituals

Why OCD and Anxiety Need Different Treatments

This isn’t just a labeling exercise. It has real implications for care.

Someone with generalized anxiety might benefit from CBT techniques like cognitive restructuring, journaling, or relaxation training. But if OCD is misdiagnosed as GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), clients may be encouraged to “reframe” their intrusive thoughts — which actually reinforces OCD’s cycle.

OCD responds best to a specific protocol:
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) — a structured therapy that involves facing fears without performing the usual compulsions.

Trying to treat OCD without ERP is like putting a towel under a leaky faucet instead of fixing the pipe. It might keep things dry for a little while, but the leak is still there — and it’s only going to get worse over time.

Do I Have OCD or Anxiety? How to Know

If you're reading this and thinking, “That’s me” — you're not alone.

Many people go years with a partial diagnosis or a vague sense that something's been missed. OCD can fly under the radar, especially when compulsions are mental (like reviewing, counting, praying, or avoiding) rather than visible.

A few signs your anxiety might actually be OCD:

• Your thoughts feel sticky, repetitive, or hard to resolve, even if they don’t seem extreme or scary

• You feel a strong urge to do something—mentally or physically—to make the thought “go away” or feel certain

• You find yourself checking, reviewing, or seeking reassurance often, even about things that seem minor to others

• You’ve tried anxiety-focused strategies like deep breathing or thought reframing, but they don’t seem to reduce the distress for long

• You feel relief after certain behaviors—but it doesn’t last, and the same worry comes back again and again

Getting the Right Support

The good news? OCD is treatable. And getting clarity on what you're dealing with is a powerful first step.

At Gofman Therapy & Consulting, we specialize in helping people untangle complex anxiety and OCD presentations. Our approach is rooted in compassion and evidence-based care — including ERP, ACT, and CBT.

If you’re unsure where your symptoms fall, we offer free 15-minute consultations to help you figure it out.

You don’t need to have the language right. You just need to start the conversation.

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FAQ

Q: How do I know if I have OCD or just anxiety?
OCD tends to involve intrusive, unwanted thoughts followed by compulsions to reduce distress. Anxiety may feel more like worry about real-life problems, without the need for rituals or mental “undoing.”

Q: Can OCD exist without anxiety?
OCD and anxiety are related, but OCD can appear without typical “anxious” feelings. The distress comes more from the obsession-compulsion cycle than generalized fear.

Q: Is ERP used for anxiety too?
ERP is specifically effective for OCD because of the focus on preventing compulsive behaviors while completing exposures. Traditional CBT and exposure without response prevention is more commonly used for generalized anxiety or phobias.

10 Tips for Managing OCD During the Holidays

Managing OCD during the holidays isn’t about perfection—it’s about support and self-compassion.

The holidays are often portrayed as a joyful, lighthearted time filled with togetherness and celebration. But for individuals living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), this time of year can bring a unique set of challenges. Disrupted routines, travel, social pressure, and heightened expectations can all intensify OCD symptoms, making the season feel overwhelming instead of enjoyable.

Whether your OCD centers around intrusive thoughts, contamination fears, compulsive checking, perfectionism, or other patterns, it’s possible to navigate the holidays with more peace and support. Here are ten strategies we use with our clients to help manage OCD during the season:

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1. Anticipate Triggers in Advance

Before the season kicks into high gear, take some time to reflect on what typically feels hard during the holidays. Is it large family gatherings? Gift exchanges? Being out of your normal environment? Identifying common triggers ahead of time can help you create a plan instead of being caught off guard.

2. Support Your Nervous System with Gentle Structure

The holidays can throw off familiar rhythms, which often increases stress and makes it harder to manage OCD symptoms. While strict routines can sometimes feed into compulsive patterns, having a flexible structure to your day—like regular meals, rest, or time outdoors—can help you feel more grounded without reinforcing rigid rules. The goal is to create stability that supports you, not your OCD.

3. Say No to Perfectionism

Whether it’s decorating the house or choosing the right gift, the pressure to make everything “just right” can be intense. Perfectionism is a common part of OCD, especially during high-pressure events. Remind yourself that “good enough” is often more than enough, and that connection matters more than presentation.

4. Use Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Tools

ERP is the gold standard for OCD treatment, and holiday stress doesn't mean pausing your progress. In fact, the holidays may offer opportunities to practice ERP in real time. If you're working with a therapist, talk about creating exposures tied to seasonal triggers so you can approach them with intention.

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5. Limit Reassurance Seeking

It’s natural to want comfort when anxiety spikes, but repeatedly asking others to confirm everything is okay can actually reinforce OCD. Try to notice when you're seeking reassurance and practice sitting with the discomfort instead. It’s tough—but it builds resilience and is the path to long-term, durable anxiety reduction.

6. Prepare for Travel Disruptions

Travel often means shared spaces, unfamiliar bathrooms, disrupted sleep, and unpredictable schedules—all potential stress points. While you don’t need to eliminate discomfort, you can plan for it. Bring grounding tools like headphones, journaling materials, or reminders of coping strategies you’ve practiced. If you're working with a therapist, consider using imaginal exposures ahead of time to rehearse feared situations—like being unable to wash your hands after touching public surfaces or not being able to complete a bedtime ritual. Practicing your response in advance can make real-world exposures feel more manageable.

7. Use Environment Shifts to Support Regulation

High-stimulation settings—like large gatherings, crowded spaces, or emotionally charged family dynamics—can be overwhelming, especially when managing OCD. If you start to feel dysregulated, changing your environment can help you reset without avoiding what’s difficult. Step outside for fresh air, move into a quieter room, or take a moment to stretch or breathe. These small shifts can remind you of your agency and help you return to the moment with more clarity and steadiness.

8. Don’t Skip Sessions if You're in Therapy

With packed schedules and holiday travel, therapy can sometimes fall to the side. But this is often the time when support is needed most. Prioritize your appointments, or talk with your therapist about virtual options if you're traveling.

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9. Stay Mindful of Unhelpful Coping Mechanisms

Holiday events can include alcohol or other substances, and for some, these become a way to quiet anxiety or uncomfortable thoughts. If you notice yourself leaning on numbing strategies, pause and check in with yourself. There’s no need for shame—just curiosity and care. Reach out for help if it feels like you need support.

10. Offer Yourself Compassion

The holidays can stir up a lot—memories, grief, loneliness, sensory overload. OCD adds another layer. Speak to yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a loved one. You're doing the best you can, and that’s enough.

Living with OCD during the holidays can be difficult, but it’s crucial to remember that it is also manageable. With thoughtful preparation, evidence-based tools, and compassionate support, it’s possible to move through the season with more peace, flexibility, and connection.

If you're looking for extra support, our team offers both in-person sessions in Westport, Connecticut, and virtual therapy across Connecticut and Virginia. We're here to help—this season and beyond.

What Is the Meaning of Life? Finding Purpose as a Teen or Young Adult

At some point, almost everyone asks the question: “What is the meaning of life?”

If you’ve ever wrestled with this, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most fundamental human questions—and one that can feel overwhelming. Philosopher Albert Camus once wrote, “To decide whether life is worth living is to answer the fundamental question of philosophy.”

But answering this question isn’t just an abstract thought experiment. Research shows that a strong sense of meaning and purpose is linked to real, measurable benefits for your well-being. People who feel their life has meaning are more likely to:

• Build deeper friendships and stronger social connections

• Engage in cultural and community activities

• Have lower risks of depression and chronic disease

• Maintain healthier lifestyles and physical activity

• Experience lower rates of divorce and loneliness

In other words: feeling connected to meaning isn’t just “nice to have”—it’s an essential part of thriving.

But despite being so important, answering the question of the meaning of life can be really hard. Let’s explore how people have answered this question throughout history, why it feels more complicated today, and practical ways you can start building meaning and purpose in your own life.

A Brief History of Meaning—and the Modern Crisis of Purpose

Throughout history, humans have largely turned to religion to answer life's biggest questions. Religious traditions provided clear frameworks for understanding our purpose, offering explanations for why we're here and how we should live. These belief systems gave people a sense of cosmic significance and clear moral guidelines.

But in our modern world, traditional religious explanations have become less compelling for many. The rise of scientific understanding, global connectivity, and secular worldviews has challenged these age-old answers. This has left many people searching for new sources of meaning in their lives.

What has emerged in place of religious frameworks is complex and often contradictory. Our increasingly global perspective can make individual lives feel insignificant against the vast scale of human existence. We see ourselves as tiny dots in an enormous universe, which can make it harder to feel that our lives have inherent meaning.

Additionally, the rise of individualism in modern society has created a double-edged sword. While it has given us unprecedented freedom to choose our own path and create our own meaning, it has also placed an enormous burden on individuals to figure out what matters for themselves. Without shared cultural narratives to guide us, many people feel lost in their search for purpose.

Why You Might Struggle to Find Meaning

If you’ve been searching for meaning and coming up empty, you’re not broken—you’re human. In fact, many teens, young adults, and young professionals today feel the same way. The world has changed in ways that make it harder to feel grounded in purpose. Traditional sources of meaning don’t always resonate, and the pressure to “figure it out” on your own can feel overwhelming. Here are some of the most common reasons why people struggle:

• Religious explanations may feel unconvincing: For some, faith once offered clear answers, but in light of modern perspectives, those explanations may feel less satisfying or harder to believe.

• Following the “right” path hasn’t worked: You might have done everything you were “supposed” to do—get good grades, land the right job, get married, earn approval from others—but still feel empty.

• Looking for answers externally doesn’t work: Waiting for someone else to give you meaning—whether it’s family, friends, or society—rarely leads to fulfillment. Purpose is not handed down; it’s something you create for yourself.

How to Start Creating Meaning in Your Life

The good news is that meaning isn’t something you either “have” or “don’t have.” It’s not a hidden treasure you need to stumble upon—it’s something you create through action and intention. Building a meaningful life starts with small shifts in how you see the world and how you choose to engage with it. If you’re feeling lost, these steps can help you begin moving toward a greater sense of purpose:

• Reflect on the preciousness of life: Recognize that life is finite, and because of that, your choices matter. This awareness can make even ordinary moments feel significant.

• Remember that humans are meaning-making creatures: Our minds are wired to seek patterns, stories, and connections. Instead of resisting that tendency, lean into it—find the stories that inspire you.

• Zoom back in: It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the vastness of the universe. Instead, focus on what’s close at hand—the people you love, the experiences you’re having, the opportunities right in front of you.

• Engage in the world: Meaning grows when we participate, not just when we consume. Volunteer, create something new, or connect with others in real ways. These actions bring purpose to life.

Activities That Can Provide Life Purpose

While the search for meaning can feel abstract, it often becomes clearer through the things we do. Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom identified several common pathways people use to cultivate purpose in their lives. These aren’t one-size-fits-all—what feels meaningful for one person may not for another—but exploring them can help you discover what resonates most with you. Here are some of the activities that often give people a sense of purpose:

• Altruism: Helping others—whether through small acts of kindness, volunteering, or mentoring—can create a strong sense of connection and meaning. When you give to others, you often feel more grounded in your own life.

• Dedication to a cause: Fighting for something bigger than yourself, like social justice, climate change, or community development, can give you a powerful sense of direction and significance.

• Creativity: Expressing yourself through art, music, writing, or even problem-solving is one way to bring new ideas and beauty into the world. Creativity allows you to leave a unique mark that reflects who you are.

• Hedonistic enjoyment (done mindfully): Finding joy in life’s pleasures—like food, nature, music, or friendship—can remind you that meaning is also found in living fully in the present.

• Self-actualization: Developing your skills, pursuing your interests, and growing into your full potential can feel deeply purposeful. This path focuses on becoming the best version of yourself.

• Self-transcendence: Connecting with something larger than yourself—whether through spirituality, community, or the natural world—helps you see your life as part of a greater whole.

Exploring these different pathways can help you notice where you naturally feel most alive and fulfilled. You don’t need to pick just one; many people create meaning through a combination of these practices.

Final Thoughts: Meaning Is Created, Not Found

In the end, the search for the meaning of life isn’t about uncovering a hidden secret. It’s about building a life that feels meaningful to you. Meaning is created by what you choose to do, the relationships you cultivate, and the ways you engage with the world.

If you’re struggling to connect with a sense of purpose, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

At Gofman Therapy and Consulting, we help teens, young adults, and young professionals explore meaning, navigate challenges, and build fulfilling lives. Serving clients in-person in Fairfield, CT and throughout Virginia and Connecticut, our team of experienced therapists can support you in your journey.

Acute vs Chronic Stress: How to Recognize the Difference and Protect Your Mental Health

Introduction

In an earlier post, we discussed the basics of stress. We covered how stress is a deeply hard-wired response that has evolved over time to keep humans safe, the ways a person’s experience of an emotional threat feels similar to a situation where they are experiencing a physical threat, and we discussed the long-term effects to mental and physical health that can come from chronic stress.

Now we are going to zoom in on the difference between chronic stress and acute stress. We’ll cover basic definitions of acute and chronic stress, key differences between them, how to recognize stress in your own life, and how to cope with both acute and chronic stress.

What Is Acute Stress?

Acute stress is your body’s immediate response to a specific, short-term challenge. It’s the kind of stress you might feel when you're running late for a meeting, preparing for a job interview, or speaking in front of a crowd. In these moments, your body kicks into high gear to help you handle the pressure.

This response—often called the “fight or flight” reaction—involves a surge of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Your heart rate increases, your senses sharpen, and you become more alert and focused. These changes are your body’s natural way of helping you navigate short bursts of tension or danger.

Did you know that acute stress, when experienced in moderation, can actually help enhance performance? Research has shown that students who experienced moderate stress performed better on exams than students who had either low stress or high stress. Acute stress can push you to perform better under pressure, meet deadlines, or stay sharp during high-stakes moments. The key is that it resolves quickly once the stressor is gone, allowing your body to return to baseline without lingering effects.

What Is Chronic Stress?

Chronic stress is the kind of stress that doesn’t go away. It lingers over time—days, weeks, even months—and often stems from ongoing challenges that don’t have a clear end in sight. Unlike acute stress, which comes and goes quickly, chronic stress slowly wears you down and can take a serious toll on your physical and mental health.

Common sources of chronic stress include persistent job dissatisfaction, caregiving responsibilities, financial uncertainty, or living in an environment that feels unsafe or unstable. Because these stressors are continuous, your body stays in a prolonged state of alert, which is not what it was designed for.

Over time, chronic stress can lead to a wide range of health issues, including anxiety, burnout, trouble sleeping, and digestive problems. It’s also been linked to more serious conditions like high blood pressure, heart disease, and a weakened immune system. According to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America survey, nearly one-third of adults report feeling so stressed that they struggle to function on a daily basis.

What makes chronic stress especially harmful is how invisible and normalized it can become. Many people live with it for so long that it begins to feel like their “normal.” But left unaddressed, chronic stress can chip away at your well-being, relationships, and sense of joy.

How Acute Stress Becomes Chronic

While acute stress is usually short-lived and manageable, it can quietly shift into chronic stress when the pressure doesn’t let up—or when stressful events keep piling on without time to recover. What starts as an occasional rush of tension can evolve into a constant undercurrent of stress that your body and mind carry around every day.

For example, a tough week at work with tight deadlines, or a week at school with several huge exams might create acute stress. But if that pace becomes your normal, and you continue to be over-scheduled and unsupported, the stress response may stop shutting off. Over time, your body stays in a heightened state of alert, even when you're not actively facing a specific challenge. That’s when stress shifts from being helpful to harmful.

It’s also common for acute stressors—like a one-time crisis, sudden illness, or major life transition—to leave lingering emotional effects. If those feelings aren’t processed or resolved, they can create a baseline of chronic stress that’s harder to identify because it becomes part of your routine.

The good news? Recognizing this shift is the first step toward interrupting the cycle. It’s crucial to understand that stress responses are not conscious choices. A person doesn’t “choose” to be stressed about something; it happens at the level of their nervous system. With the right support and strategies, it’s absolutely possible to help your nervous system learn to regulate itself again, and to re-train your stress response to “turn off” when it’s appropriate.

Acute vs Chronic Stress: Key Differences

To better understand how acute and chronic stress differ—not just in duration, but in how they affect your body, mind, and daily life—it can help to see the two side by side. Below is a quick comparison of key features that set them apart and what each might look like in real life.

How to Recognize Stress in Your Own Life

Stress doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Sometimes, it shows up in subtle ways—through irritability, exhaustion, or feeling “off” without knowing why. Learning to recognize the signs of both acute and chronic stress is essential for catching it early and responding with care instead of burnout.

Common signs of stress can include:

• Mental: Racing thoughts, trouble concentrating, memory lapses

• Emotional: Anxiety, mood swings, irritability, feeling overwhelmed

• Physical: Headaches, muscle tension, stomach issues, sleep disruption

• Behavioral: Withdrawing from others, changes in appetite, procrastination

If you’re not sure how stress is affecting you, try asking yourself:

• Do I feel constantly on edge, even when nothing “big” is happening?

• Have I stopped enjoying things that used to make me happy?

• Do I bounce back easily from tough days, or does the stress linger?

• Am I more tired than usual, even when I sleep?

Reflecting on questions like these can reveal patterns that often go unnoticed in the rush of daily life.

To help you track your own stress, you can download our free Stress Journal Template —a simple, guided tool to check in with your thoughts, emotions, and triggers over time. It’s a great first step in building awareness and regaining control.

Coping Strategies for Each Type of Stress

While acute and chronic stress may feel similar, they require different approaches to manage. The good news is that both types of stress can be handled effectively with the right strategies. Let’s break down what works best for each.

Acute Stress Relief

When you’re dealing with a stressful situation that’s temporary—like a deadline, a tough conversation, or a public speaking event—relieving stress in the moment is key. Acute stress is often intense but brief, so the goal is to bring your body and mind back to a calm state quickly.

Here are some effective techniques to relieve acute stress:

• Deep Breathing: Deep breathing exercises (like diaphragmatic breathing) activate your body’s relaxation response. Just a minute or two can help you regain focus and calm.

• Grounding Techniques: Focus on the present moment. Use your senses to reconnect with your environment—try the 5-4-3-2-1 method (name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste).

• Time Management: If a tight schedule is causing stress, break tasks down into smaller chunks and prioritize. This can help reduce the overwhelm and allow you to feel more in control.

• Create a Focused Environment: Minimize distractions to help center your attention on the task at hand. Whether it's clearing your workspace, putting your phone on silent, or using noise-canceling headphones, setting up an environment that supports focus can reduce the overwhelm and help you tackle what’s most important.

These quick strategies can help you regain composure when stress hits unexpectedly, allowing you to continue with your day or task more effectively.

Chronic Stress Management

Chronic stress, on the other hand, requires ongoing effort and lifestyle changes to manage. Since it’s a long-term, persistent issue, it’s important to build habits that promote resilience and well-being over time. The key here is not just “fixing” stress in the moment, but addressing the root causes and setting yourself up for long-term success.

Here are some strategies for managing chronic stress:

• Setting Boundaries: It’s essential to establish clear boundaries in your personal and professional life. This might mean saying no to extra tasks, limiting time with energy-draining people, or setting time aside for yourself regularly.

• Regular Exercise: Physical activity is one of the most effective ways to combat chronic stress. Whether it’s going for a walk, yoga, or strength training, moving your body helps reduce stress hormones and releases endorphins, improving mood and energy levels.

• Therapy & Counseling: Seeking professional help is a powerful tool for managing chronic stress. Therapy offers support, coping strategies, and guidance, especially when dealing with deep-rooted or ongoing stressors. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly helpful for learning how to change unhealthy stress patterns.

• Mindfulness & Meditation: Incorporating mindfulness practices like meditation, yoga, or simply taking quiet moments to focus on your breath can help you remain centered and reduce stress over time. Mindfulness trains your brain to stay present, preventing the cycle of rumination that often fuels chronic stress.

• Building Long-Term Habits: Unlike acute stress, chronic stress isn’t something you can solve overnight. The key is developing regular habits that promote balance and mental clarity. Practicing these strategies consistently will help you build resilience to stress and improve overall well-being.

The key to managing chronic stress is consistency. While it may take time to see significant changes, these habits can help you regain control of your stress levels and create a more balanced, fulfilling life.

When to Seek Help

Stress can be a manageable part of life, but there are times when it becomes overwhelming and starts to interfere with your daily functioning. If you’re finding it difficult to keep up with responsibilities, or if stress is affecting your mental or physical health—such as persistent anxiety, trouble sleeping, headaches, or digestive problems—it’s a good sign that professional help may be needed.

It’s also important to understand that you don’t have to wait for a crisis to seek therapy. Stress doesn’t always come in a dramatic form; it can build over time, and therapy can provide valuable tools to manage it before it escalates. Just like you’d see a doctor for a physical concern, seeking mental health support for stress is a proactive way to take care of yourself.

Chronic stress can also impact areas of life beyond your mental health. It can strain relationships, make it difficult to focus at work, and interfere with sleep, creating a cycle that’s hard to break. If stress is negatively affecting your ability to enjoy life, seeking help can help you restore balance and begin to heal.

How Gofman Therapy and Consulting Can Help

If you’re struggling with stress—whether it's short-term or chronic—remember that you're not alone, and help is available. At Gofman Therapy and Consulting, we offer personalized support to help you manage stress and conquer the underlying factors that may be contributing to your stress. Don’t wait for stress to take over; reach out today to start your journey toward balance and healing.

Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash

Conclusion

Recognizing and managing both acute and chronic stress is key to maintaining your mental and physical health. By understanding how each type of stress manifests, you can take proactive steps to cope effectively and prevent it from taking over your life. Whether you’re using quick techniques for immediate relief or building long-term habits for ongoing stress management, the tools are available to help you regain control. Remember, you don’t have to navigate stress alone—help is available, and small changes can lead to significant improvements.

What kind of stress shows up most in your life? Feel free to share in the comments or pass this post along to someone who might benefit. You’ve got this!